The Ferengi rules of Aquisition; version 2.
By Bjorn Keizers. bjornkeizers@hotmail.com


1) Once you have their money, never give it back.* 

2) You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try. 

3) Never buy anything for more than is absolutely necessary.* 

4) Greed is eternal. 

5) If you can't break a contract, bend it. 

6) Never let family stand in the way of opportunity.* 

7) Always keep your ears open.* 

8) Keep count of your change. 

9) Instinct plus opportunity equals profit.* 

10) A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one. 

11) Latinum isn't the only thing that shines. 

12) Anything worth selling is worth selling twice. 

13) Anything worth doing is worth doing for money. 

14) Anything stolen is pure profit. 

15) Acting stupid is often smart. 

16) A deal is a deal... untill a better one comes along* 

17) A contract is a contract is a contract, but only with a Ferengi.* 
 
18) Beware of relatives bearing gifts. 

19) Don't lie too soon after a promotion. 

20) When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat. 

21) Never place friendship before profit.* 

22) Wise men can hear profit in the wind.* 

23) Never take the last coin, but be sure to get all the rest. 

24) Never ask when you can take. 

25) Fear makes a good business partner. 

26) The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it. 

27) The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down. 

28) Morality is always defined by those in power. 

29) When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying. 

30) Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money. 

31) Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother.* 

32) Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects. 

33) It never hurts to suck up to the boss.* 

34) Compassion is no substitute for profit. 

35) You could afford your ship without your government--if it weren't for your government. 

36) Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore. 

37) You can always buy back a lost reputation. 

38) Free advertising is cheap. 

39) Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all customers. 

40) If you see profit on a journey, take it. 

41) Money talks, but having lots of it gets more attention. 

42) Only negotiate when you are certain to profit. 

43) Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon. 

44) Never argue with a loaded phaser. 

45) Profit has limits. Loss has none. 

46) Labor camps are full of people who trusted the wrong person. 

47) Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.* 

48) The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.* 

49) Old age and gree will always overcome youth and talent. 

50) Never bluff a Klingon. 

51) Never admit a mistake if they're someone else to blame. 

52) Only Bugsy could have built Las Vegas. 

53) Sell first; ask questions later. 

54) Never buy anything you can't sell. 

55) Always sell at the highest possible profit. 

56) Pursue profit; women come later. 

57) Good customers are a rare as latinum--treasure them. 

58) Friendship is seldom cheap. 

59) Free advice is seldom cheap.* 

60) Never use credit where your words will do. 

61) Never buy what can be stolen. 

62) The riskier the road, the higher the profit.* 

63) Power without profit is like a ship without an engine. 

64) Don't talk shop; talk shopping. 

65) Don't talk ship; talk shipping. 

66) Anyone serving in a fleet who is crazy can be relieved, if they ask for it. 

67) Anyone asking to be relieved is not crazy and must be forced to serve. 

68) Small print leads to large risk

69) Win or lose, there's always Hyperian beetle snuff. 

70) Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise. 

71) Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough.

72) Home is where the heart is ... but the stars are made of latinum. 

73) War is good for business.

74) Peace is good for business.  

75) Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.* 

76) A bargain usually isn't.

77) Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

78) There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

79) Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge. 

80) Profit is its own reward.

82)The flimsier the product, the higher the price. 

85) Never let the competition know what you're thinking. 

89) Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits. 

94) Females and finances don't mix. 

97) Enough ... is never enough. 

99) Trust is the biggest liability of all. 

101) Never do something you can make someone do for you. 

102) Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.* 

103) Sleep can interfere with opportunity.* 

104) Money is never made. It is merely won or lost. 

105) Faith moves mountains ... of inventory. 

106) There is no honor in poverty. 

109) Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.* 

111) Never sleep with the boss' wife unless you pay him first. 

112) Never sleep with the boss' sister. 

113) Always have sex with the boss. 

117) You can't free a fish from water. 

1118) Everything is for sale, even friendship. 

119) Buy, sell, or get out of the way. 

120) Never place friendship above profit.

123) A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer. 

124) Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum. 

138) Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder. 

139) Wives serve; brothers inherit.* 

141) Only fools pay retail. 

144) There's nothing wrong with charity ... as long as it winds up in your pocket. 

148) Opportunity waits for no one. 

162) Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit. 

164) Never spend your own money when you can spend someone else's. 

172) If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it. 

177) Know your enemies ... but do business with them always. 

180) Never offer a confession when a bribe will do. 

181) Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. 

187) Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money. 

188) Never bet on a race you haven't fixed. 

189) Borrow on a handshake; lend in writing. 

190) Hear all, trust nothing.* 

191) A ferengi without profit is no ferengi at all.

192) Never cheat a Klingon ... unless you're sure you can get away with it. 

194) It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. 

202) A friend in need is a customer in the making. 

203.New customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back. 

208) Give someone a fish, you feed him for one day. Teach him how to fish, and you lose a steady customer. 

211) Employees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them. 

214) Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach.* 

215) Instinct without opportunity is useless. 

218) Always know what you're buying. 

221) Beware of any man who thinks with his lobes. 

222) Knowledge is power. 

223) Beware the man who doesn't make time for 00-mox. 

236) You can't buy fate. 

239) Never be afraid to mislable a product.* 

242) More is good ... all is better. 

255) A wife is a luxury ... a smart accountant is a necessity. 

261) A wealthy man can afford anthing except a conscience. 

263) Never allow doubt to tarnish your love of latinum. 

266) When in doubt, lie. 

281) Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell. 

282) Business is like war; it's important to recognize the winner. 

283) Rules are always subject to change. 

284) Rules are always subject to interpretation. 

284) Deep down everyone's a Ferengi. 

285) No good deed ever goes unpunished.* 

286)[Quark's rule] When Morn leaves, it's all over. 



"*"Rules which have been quoted on Deep Space Nine.