ROBERT REED
WILL BE
What lies ahead for Robert Reed? The following story should discourage
anyone
from making such predictions, but we'll wager that Mr. Reed's next book will be
a
collection of short stories entitled The Dragons of Springplace. Perhaps it
will even be
published this April or May. But who can really say for sure?
WE WENT TO SCHOOL together.
Kindergarten right up through high school. But Marv
and me were never what you'd call good
buddies. In grade school and junior high,
I bet we didn't say ten words to each other. In
high school, Marv was in one of
my gym classes, and because of our last names -- Donner and
Dubrook -- we were
stuck in the same homeroom. And yeah, sure, our senior year we shared a
locker.
And that's it. That's all. Even considering how things are going now, that's all
there is to tell. To me, Marvin Donner was this scruffy little blond twit who
always had to
wear his hair longer than anyone else and who said, "Cool," and,
"Neat," while grinning way
too much. The twit loved to smoke that ditch weed.
From junior high on, he was our official
class doper. The best thing I remember
about him is that when we were locker mates, he kept
telling me, "Don't look
behind my books, Steve. Okay? And if you've got to look, don't take
any more
than you really need."
"Okay, Marv," I would tell him.
"Cool. Neat. Thanks."
Despite
what you hear, a lot of us kids managed to stay sober and clear-headed
in the '70s. The
occasional beer was it for me. I was this upstanding boy trying
to hang out with the
college-prep crowd. While Marv Donner was stuck in some
blue-collar, pot-haze track. Shop
classes and bonehead English, I'm guessing.
He was already playing the guitar. But back
then, every guy tried playing it. We
thought gifts liked a man good with his fingers. Marv
used to sit outside at
lunch, strumming hard and singing little songs that he must have
written
himself. Must have, because I didn't recognize any of them. And because they
weren't
very good. I can sort of remember their cheery noise and his scratchy
little-kid voice and
how he would strum and pick until something sounded
absolutely awful. Then he would stop
the show and twist the knobs, telling
stupid jokes while trying to fix what could be fixed.
Singing and pot. Marv's life in the shell of a nut.
During my last semester, I had an early
geometry class. One morning, about a
week before graduation, I got to school late. One of
the counselors was waiting
at my locker. Ms. Vitovsky was this chunky little woman who took
everything
seriously. She said, "Steve," with a voice that made me hold my breath. She
said,
"I have awful news." Then she gathered herself before telling me, "Marvin
Donner was in a
car wreck."
Marvin? It took me a few seconds to put Marv and Marvin together.
I blinked and
straight away, I asked, "Is he dead?"
Miss Vitovsky gave me a brave little smile, then
said, "No. But he's badly
hurt." Because she thought I needed it, she put a hand on my
shoulder. Then she
told me, "His car hit a light pole. He's in intensive care. At General,
if you
want to visit him."
What I was thinking about was that I was late for class. I shook
my head and
admitted, "You know, I barely know the guy."
"Really? I thought you were good
friends."
I wrestled open my locker. Marv's books were on the top shelf, their plasticized
covers looking new. That's how much he needed books. On the spur of the moment,
I reached
up and peeked behind them.
Nothing there.
"I've seen you talking with him," the counselor
was saying. Explaining why she
had mistaken us for friends.
I grabbed my books, slammed the
locker, then told her, "Sorry."
"By any chance then...do you know who his friends are....?"
Again, "Sorry."
"Well," she had to tell me, "Marvin is going to pull through." She touched
me on
the elbow. I can remember the squeeze of her fingers and her eyes looking damp,
and I
remember her voice breaking as she said, "If anyone asks, tell them. Tell
them that he
should make a full recovery. Would you do that, please.?"
Our fallen comrade didn't make it
to graduation, naturally.
But Marv got himself mentioned. Our principal publicly wished him
well. Which
caused our valedictorian to do the same in her long, boring speech. Using their
best Cheech and Chong voices, my classmates repeated a string of bad pothead
jokes. And I
made some little comment about driving into a light pole and
becoming famous. "If that's
all it takes," I asked, "why don't we all do it?"
Summer was busy, and boring. I spent it
stocking and clerking at my father's
little grocery store, saving up my money and having
zero time for socializing.
I went to City College in the fall and found myself in a new
circle of friends.
Around Christmas, I bumped into one of my old circle. Both of us were
out
shopping. We spent most of our breath promising that we'd get together soon.
Lying, in
other words. Then the guy told me, in passing, "I hear Marv got out of
the hospital.
Finally. He's living at home again."
I hadn't thought about my lockermate for months,
nearly.
But I said, "Yeah, that's great to hear." As if I already knew it. As if I'd
spent
my nights worrying.
Four more years slipped past without Marvin Donner.
I met this beautiful
girl named Patty, and we dated. And screwed. And while that
was happening, I started
screwing her best friend, Molly. Which wasn't the
smartest trick. Then after both girls
dumped me, I met Cathy, who was pretty
enough, and fun enough, and we were married just
before our senior year.
I graduated from City College with a degree in business.
My father
hired me. Bribed me. Whichever.
Maybe it wasn't smart to return to the grocery. But Cathy
was pregnant -- with
twins, we found out -- and she had a talent for spending everything we
had.
That's why I took over managing the store, working some bruising hours. Early
one
morning, driving to work, I heard this odd song that just kept going and
going. It was
pretty enough, I guess. And the refrain sounded like it belonged
on the radio. Light and
fun, and all that. "What might be, should be, will be,"
it went. Then, "Will be, will be,
will be .... "
The song never finished. The disc jockey put it to bed after five minutes or
so.
"'Will Be' is the title," he announced. "By a local talent. Marvin Donner."
I could have
rushed over to Musicland and bought the '45. I've met hundreds who
did, or at least claim
they did. But frankly I've never been much for pop music.
Sometimes, I go for years without
even playing any of my Beatles albums.
"Will Be" was in the Top Forty for three quick
weeks, peaking at 31st before
quietly drowning in the disco sea.
An old classmate came into
the grocery one day. He reported that Marv still
looked like the same blond-haired twit.
That he was living at home with Mom.
Still. And that he was making pretty good money
singing at the local clubs.
I heard "Will Be" a few times, always on the radio.
Usually I
was in the Chevy, which had shitty speakers. But one time I was at my
folks', hearing it on
their big cabinet stereo. That was the only time when I
really listened to the words, and
some of them stuck. "The plague will come in
the blood," stuck. And, "The sandman burns the
desert." Grim bullshit like that,
and no wonder it didn't sell better. That's what I was
thinking. Then I heard
that line about "The ragged rings of Neptune," and I was thinking,
"Poor Marv.
"Saturn is the planet with rings," I was thinking.
And I shook my head, feeling
awfully superior to that stupid little doper.
Life melted past me.
I was this kid just
trying to keep his family happy and afloat. And then I
wasn't the kid anymore. I was living
out on the edge of town, in a house with
four bedrooms and as many toilets. But the twins
were out of college, and the
other two kids were paid for. And that's when it occurred to
me that more than
half my life was done, and if changes were going to be made, I needed to
make
them now.
It was a pretty typical divorce. Pissy and bloody, and left unfinished for
too
long.
In the end, Cathy got a fat slice of the grocery. But I found myself being
philosophical
about the loss. The grocery was my father's, not mine. And Dad was
safely dead, immune to
what was happening to his legacy and to me.
No, what mattered in my life was me. Finally.
I rented this Upscale one-bedroom apartment and leased the best sports utility
4X4 that I
could afford. Then like millions of brave grayhairs before me, I went
out patrolling for
willing young women.
My third date was a single gal in her twenties.
Named Lucee. "The same
as Lucy," she told me, "only different."
Maybe she wasn't as pretty as some, and I think
she could have misplaced ten or
twenty pounds. And early on, I learned that she had some
wonky beliefs. Before
we were done with dinner, I learned all about Chinese herbal
treatments and how
the Shriners had a role in Kennedy's assassination. But on the bright
side, we
ended up back at my apartment and in my bed, and at one point, while I was lying
happily on my back, Lucee started humming a familiar little melody.
"What's that song?" I
managed to grunt.
She said something that I couldn't quite decipher.
"The song," I moaned.
Then her mouth was empty, and she said, "Will be," as if that was enough. As if
I should
know instantly what she meant.
"Will be what?" I said.
"It's about the future, Steve. Don't
you know the song?"
I hadn't thought about "Will Be" in years. Or Marv Donner. That's why I
just lay
there, sputtering, "I don't know it. Should I?"
Lucee shook her head and pulled
herself up over me, sex forgotten for things
more cosmic and vital. "It's all they talk
about on the Internet," she informed
me. "I can't believe you've never heard of it."
"Will
Be"?
Again, she hummed the refrain.
"Wait," I muttered. "'What might be, should be, will
be...:.'"
She grinned and said, "You do know it!"
"Well, sure. I used to hear it on the
radio. Back when you were wearing diapers,
practically."
That put a light in her eyes.
"Really?"
"The singer...he's a local guy..."
"He is," she agreed.
I rolled out from under her
and looked at those bright eyes. Then I told her the
clincher. "You know, I went to school
with Marv. We were lockermates. Buddies,
even."
Her eyes changed their color.
Their tone.
Then
Lucee, with two Es, scooted back a bit and shook her head, pointing out, "A
minute ago, you
didn't know what I was talking about."
Asking me, "Just how gullible do you think I am?"
Lucee taught me the basics that night. The song was obscure for a lot of years,
she
admitted. But then some music buff in Albany or Indiana was playing the old
'45, and he
realized that certain passages made sense. The sandman who started
the fire was Saddam, of
course. The poison in the blood was AIDs. And Neptune
really had a goofy set of rings.
Which was something that I didn't know until
that moment.
According to the Internet, and my
date, a bunch of predictions had already come
true. And others looked ready to.
And yet. I
didn't hear anything more about "Will Be" for several months. Lucee
was exaggerating the
song's importance, because even the wonkiest rumors on the
Net creep out into the real
press. Which didn't happen. And I didn't hear
anything more about it from Lucee, either.
She didn't return any of my calls,
and after a week or two, or three, I decided she was too
crazy anyway and gave
up on her.
Out of curiosity, I looked for my old lockermate in the
phone book.
No Marvin Donners, or Marvs. But it had been a lot of years, and even potheads
move away. And besides, your modem prophets usually have a 900 stuck in front of
their
phone numbers.
Those next months were pretty lousy. When I was married, the world seemed
filled
with young willing women. But after Lucee I plunged into a stale stretch where I
wasn't
meeting anyone, young or otherwise. And where every other part of my life
was full of
problems, too.
The store roof began springing leaks, and my freezers were coming to the end
of
their natural lives. My assistant manager left me for one of the big chains. And
all the
while, my ex was riding me for not keeping up with the monthly extortion
payments.
In the
middle of everything, I spotted an article in our local paper. Reprinted
straight from The
New York Times, it talked about an obscure song and all the
ludicrous predictions that had
come true. Plus those still waiting for the
chance.
Read his lyrics in the proper way, wrote
the reporter, and the songwriter had
successfully predicted every President starting with
Reagan.
"The chimp's sidekick," Marv called him.
Bush was, "Texas Yale."
Then there was, "The
little rock has busy rocks."
Plus our current Top Dog: "The hero from the flatlands!"
And
there were other predictions that became history. "The eye-told-us what to
do!" was the
Iranian hostage mess. Three Mile Island was "The Amish meltdown."
The collapse of the
Soviet Union had its own full verse, complete with the
birthmark and the wall tumbling down
and tanks shooting at their White House.
Plus there were the wonky science predictions that
seemed to pan out. "Jove's
pimply child," was a moon of Jupiter. Apparently. "A man from
New York is born
twice," was the billionaire's clone baby, announced just weeks ago. And
"The sun
lives inside a bottle of light." Which wasn't a doper's mutterings. But instead,
I learned from the article, was a pretty fair description of the newest fusion
reactors.
Yet what really impressed me, and sold it for most of the world, was what hadn't
quite come
true. Yet.
"After the third day of the third month of the century's third year," Marv once
sang, "the bear kills a third of everything."
The reporter made the easy guess about the
bear's identity. What's more, that
predicted date arrived a week later, and exactly on cue,
our stock market took a
wild tumble, hundreds of billions of dollars evaporating in a
single horrible
day.
Economic nightmares have warnings. But usually not in a bad pop song.
Over those next days and weeks, what started as crazy electrons on the Internet
turned into
the only story on the news. Even the stock market took second
billing. "Will Be" was the
subject of every editorial and a hundred special
in-depth reports. The Flatland Hero
mentioned the song at his press conference,
joking that Mr. Donner was the newest member of
his cabinet. And overnight, our
little city filled up with cameras and reporters vying for
a word with or even a
glimpse of our most famous citizen.
Oh, yeah. Marv still lived nearby.
With Mom, as it turned out. And Mom happened
to like a certain fat old reporter who worked
at one of the local stations.
That's why he beat out a brigade of Pulitzer winners to get
the interview of the
century. Of the millennium. Whatever.
Expecting history, I watched that
show.
My first impression was that Marv hadn't aged at all. My one-time locker buddy
was
sitting in the tiny living room of his mother's tiny house, looking as
boyish and simple as
ever. His hair was thinning but blond still, and it was
still just as long, tied in a
ponytail. But on second glance, I noticed that his
face had that sickly wrinkled look that
you find in kids who die of old age at
fourteen. Normally I would have thought Marv looked
silly. Old hippies always
do. But knowing what kinds of gifts he had at his beck and call
had me thinking,
"On him, it looks right. Just like a prophet should be...!"
The lucky
reporter was flustered enough to tremble, and his voice cracked and
broke and sometimes
stopped altogether.
"Where did you...did you...think up this wonderful song...?"
Marv gave
him a doper's vague stare, then with a smoke-roughened voice said, "On
my back. When I was
in the hospital. There wasn't anything to do but look far
ahead."
The reporter gulped and
said, "Yes...I see..."
He hadn't done his homework, obviously.
"Why were you there...in the
hospital....?"
"I wasn't feeling good." Then Marv broke into an odd little laugh, something
in
the eyes either very wise or very empty. "But I got better. I got well."
"Well...that's
good to hear." Another gulp, then, "Can you tell me? How did you
look into the future?"
A
giggle. Then Marv leaned forward and told him, "Carefully. I did it
carefully."
The
interview lurched along like that. Stupid questions followed with words that
might mean
everything or nothing. Depending on how you heard them.
Finally the reporter mustered up
his courage, asking, "But what about the
future? Is there anything that isn't in your
song--?"
"Stop!" a woman barked. Then a white-haired old gal- his mother, I guessed --
came
running into the picture, hands raised, screaming, "We warned you! We are
not, not, not
discussing that!"
She looked like her son. Except she was clear-eyed and tough as gravel.
With a strength that took everyone by surprise, she shoved the camera out of
Marv's face,
telling the world, "It's over. We're done! Leave us alone!"
I'D NEVER FOUND TIME or the
excuse to make it to any high school reunion.
But it seemed important that summer. The
economy was still buckling beneath us,
and just like the song predicted -- "Siberia goes
bye-bye" -- a civil war was
brewing in Russia. With all of these important things
happening, the reunion
became a kind of duty. A way of elbow-scraping with history. Even
when it was
announced that your most famous alum wouldn't attend, I did. All of us did. How
else could you come to terms with what was happening?
I ended up in the comer of a packed
ballroom, shooting the shit with most of my
old circle. The men were fat or balding, or
both. The women looked as if
menopause was riding them hard. But the talkers still liked to
talk. And the
ones who always knew the gossip at school were the ones pretending to know it
all now.
"The car crash is what did it," one fellow assured us. "Marv got a pretty good
head
injury. Obviously the damage did something to his wiring."
We nodded. Obviously,
absolutely.
Then another in-the-know said, "He still doesn't function too well. I saw him
when he was still performing. Remember the Cottonwood House? His mom had to
practically
lead him up on stage and back off again." Then with a wicked little
wink, the guy added,
"He wears a diaper, too. The way I hear it."
Again, we did our nods.
Then I said, "She's
quite a gal, his mom is."
"The way I hear it," said a woman, "it's Mom who stole back the
rights to his
song. Six or seven years ago, when it was worth nothing."
We all had a good
chuckle about that.
"Plus," said one baldie, "she's responsible for that deal with their
new label.
The Donners, I hear, get fifty percent of every sale."
Someone else said, "It's
two hundred million sold now. Worldwide."
A third said, "It's half a billion, if you count
the pirates."
I just nodded and listened, and nodded some more.
Then a younger woman -- a
blonde with fat glasses who had married into the
circle -- asked, "But what does the rest
of the song mean.?"
She was looking at me, I realized.
"What's 'Will Be' still got to tell
us?"
I didn't have any special clue. But she seemed to expect something out of me,
which is
why I said, "Westfall's our next President."
I'd read it somewhere, and I wasn't the only
one.
"'A gray-beard leads us into battle,'" quoted one of the know-everythings.
"That's got
to be the Senator. It's got to be!"
Then someone else said, "It's with China, the war is."
As if there wasn't any doubt.
"'The crowded man reaches for his island,'" the quoter
continued. Then he
paused, waiting for everyone's eyes to settle on him. And that's when he
informed us, "The Mainland is going to invade Taiwan."
We couldn't stop agreeing with him.
Then his loyal wife added, "And we'll win that war, too."
"'Blood on the water, blood on
the land,'" he sang. Worse than Marv, even. "'And
when blood is in the sky, the fight is
won.'"
"'Blood in the sky?'" I asked.
"Space warfare," he replied. In an instant. As if he'd
written the line himself.
It went on that way for most of the evening. Even when it was
boring --when we
were repeating the same verses for the fiftieth time -- we couldn't seem
to drop
the subject. I didn't hear a whisper about anyone's kids or spouses or jobs, and
nobody heard anything about my adventures, either.
I did try to bail out. Once. I was up at
the bar, shelling out too much for my
second beer, and a tall woman appeared next to me,
saying, "Steve? Steve
Dubrook?"
I looked at the name tag, then the face. Two or three tucks
had left her skin
stretched over old cheekbones. A tight little mouth smiled, and that's
'when I
remembered Jean. Our class president and valedictorian. She went off to the Ivy
League,
I remembered, and came out a tough, successful lawyer.
I sputtered something like, "Hello.
How's stuff, Jean?"
"We were just talking," she confessed, gesturing at the best-dressed
group in
the place. "'Who knows him best?' we asked ourselves. At this event, I mean. And
I think it's you, Steve Dubrook."
"No," I said. Pointblank.
But she didn't believe me. "You
two used to hang out together --"
"We shared a locker," I began.
"And," she added, "you
listened while he abused that poor guitar. Remember those
lunchtime concerts --?"
"I sat
there once or twice. I guess."
She laughed. As if I was an idiot, she shook her head and
said, "Judging by
those lukewarm responses, I'm guessing that you don't see Marvin anymore.
Is
that a correct assessment, Steve?"
Jean was a stuck-up bitch in high school, and life
just seemed to have honed
those talents.
"That's too bad," she told me. Then laughing again,
she added, "What you should
do, you know, is send a gift to your old buddy. With a note. A
nice gift and a
pleasant note telling him how happy you are for his well-deserved success."
Then she said, "I've already sent my gift."
I had to ask, "Why bother?"
She found my
stupidity to be fun. "Because," she told me, giggling like a school
girl. "Because that
little shitfaced drug-addict is the most important and
powerful man in our world today."
The economy kept up its robust collapse.
By New Year's, my store was suffering. My families
were going to the cut-rate
supermarkets, and my loyal customers -- the ones who started
with my father and
stayed with me through lean times -- were getting to that age where they
were
eating little, or being shipped off to nursing homes, or they were dead.
I wasn't
bankrupt. Things weren't that bad, yet. But even after cutting back on
payroll and working
seventy hour weeks, I could see a bankruptcy in my personal
future.
Meanwhile, Marv was
prospering.
He and Mom bought the old Redhall mansion, then sank a quick million into its
restoration. They moved in Christmas morning, and immediately the VIPs started
falling over
themselves, eager for an audience with our resident Visionary.
Billionaires paid for the
privilege. I heard.
While politicians and the Hollywood-types gave what they could. I'm
assuming.
Every night, the news gave an update on Marvin Donner's social calendar. In
February,
it was the President himself. The old war hero dropped into town in
Air Force One, just for
the honor of standing on that wide old porch, shaking
hands with a fellow who the Secret
Service, on any normal day, would have
watched extra close.
Asked what he and the old hippie
had discussed, the President said, "Issues.
Trends. The promise of the future."
In other
words, "No comment."
Next week, Senator Westfall announced his candidacy from the same
porch. Marv
stood next to him, staring off into nothingness. The Senator stroked his gray
beard for the cameras, then told the nation his intentions: His only goal was to
protect
and preserve everything that Americans deserved and rightly expected.
Who could argue with
that'. And then he mentioned the Chinese without mentioning
them. "Who else has a mandate
to lead in times of strife and struggle?" he asked
us. "Who else is there but me?"
About
that time, I got up the nerve to do what lean recommended.
The way I figured it, it
wouldn't hurt. And maybe, just maybe, Marv would throw
some business my way.
Since I didn't
know his eating habits, I decided on fruit. I put together a
dozen big baskets of
everything. The best and the exotic. Then after a good deal
of hard thinking and doubts, I
settled on a simple note written with my best
pen.
"Missed you at graduation," I wrote.
"All
the best.
"Steve Dubrook."
The baskets and my note were sent, and nothing happened.
Which was
a surprise, somehow. Like when you have a lottery ticket that turns
worthless. That kind of
surprise.
Then it was weeks later, in the spring, and I got back to the apartment late one
night, turning on the TV, the news telling me that Vladivostok had thrown off
Moscow's
shackles and Westfall was leading in every poll and some astronomers in
Chile had followed
a suggestion in the "Will Be" lyrics. "The great comet comes
from under our feet." Sure
enough, a giant lump of ice was falling toward the
sun, its orbit ready to swing it within
a couple million miles of the great
Marvin Donner.
And that's when the phone rang.
I figured
trouble at work. One of the old freezers passed on, probably. I picked
up, starting with a
crisp, "What is it?"
The voice at the other end introduced herself as Miss So-and-so, and I
was
cordially invited to share dinner with Mr. Donner. "Would tomorrow night be
convenient?"
I heard. "Perhaps at seven o'clock?"
I knew it was a joke. It had to be.
But his social
secretary didn't give me time to make an ass of myself. "A car
will pick you up, if you
wish," she told me. "At home or at work."
"Home," I blurted.
"That would be best, sir."
"This
is...this is for dinner...?"
"Yes, sir," she told me. Smooth as can be. Then she added,
"And we ask that you
come alone, Mr. Dubrook. And please, let's keep this meeting strictly
confidential."
For every reason, I was excited.
Nervous.
Nearly sick to my stomach, frankly.
The car arrived at a quarter till. It was an ordinary sedan driven by some
ex-Marine-type
who greeted me by name, then said exactly three more words to me.
"Buckle up, sir."
We
arrived at the Redhall at exactly seven. A big iron gate swung open for us,
and the driver
let me off at the front door. Alone, I climbed the marble stairs
and walked across the
enormous porch, thinking of all those important people who
had come here, and because of
it, practically doubling over from my bellyache.
Just like the gate, the front door swung
open for me. But instead of the butler
that I expected, I found a young woman. Early
twenties at the most. Tall and
blonde, wearing tight slacks and a tighter shirt, and if
anything, thinner than
she was beautiful.
She said, "Hello," with a soft, familiar voice.
Then she said her name just as I remembered her. "Whitney Larson." A songwriter
and singer
whose last album must have done dynamite business. Considering that
even I knew who she
was.
Whitney called me, "Mr. Dubrook."
I mumbled something about liking her songs.
"Oh, god,"
she said. As if surprised. "Really? Thank you so, so much!"
I just about panicked. What if
she asked me questions about her music? But she
thankfully dropped the subject, waving me
toward a set of French doors, telling
me, "They're waiting in here, Mr. Dubrook."
Here was
some sort of parlor done up like a room in a museum. The tall chairs
and big rug belonged
to the late 1800s. Even the air tasted stuffy and old, I
was thinking. As if I'd just
stepped back in time.
They were Marv and his mother.
I knew Marv's face better than my own.
That's what television does for a person.
He was sitting in the tallest chair, and I looked
at him and tried to smile, and
he stared through me for what felt like a year, big pale
eyes brightening up
with what looked to me, of all things, like tears.
I tried to say, "Good
to see you, Marv."
I don't know if I got the words out.
Then his mother was standing next to
me. Maybe seventy years old, but vigorous
as an old Chevy. At first, I thought she was
smiling at me. Then, I wasn't too
sure. But she told me, "It's good to meet you. It's
always a pleasure to know my
son's friends."
"And...it's good meeting you..." I managed.
Then
I started to say, "Ma'am."
Marv cut me off. He shouted, "Is it?" The eyes fought to focus
on me. His body
fought gravity and a pair of clumsy legs, trying to climb out of that
antique
chair while he sputtered, "Is it? Is it?"
Whitney said, "No, love."
"No -- ?"
"Dinner.
He's here for dinner." The girl seemed like a pro. She grabbed the seer
by his shoulders,
then steered him toward me. "Darling," she purred, "Mr.
Dubrook is a big fan of mine."
The
pale eyes found me. His raspy voice said, "Are you? A fan?"
Jesus, I thought.
I said, "It's
good to see you. How are you, Marv?"
The question was too much. Again, the eyes lost
contact. The boyish face
suddenly filled with little wrinkles, and he looked old. More
frail than his
mother, easily. But he managed to tell me, "Not real bad. You know?"
I
nodded. As if I understood.
Then his mother placed herself between us, saying, "This is
such fun. Let's
continue this in the dining room. Shall we?"
WITHOUT QUESTION, it was some
dinner.
Their dining room was enormous and fancy and very modern -- as modern as the
parlor
seemed old -- and we sat at one end of a glass table meant for forty,
four fancy place
settings waiting for us. Marv got the end position and an extra
soft chair. His mother sat
on his right, Whitney on his left, and when I hovered
for a second, the girl patted the
chair next to her, saying, "It's for you, Mr.
Dubrook."
I settled.
Someone said, "Steve."
Marv's
voice was different now. Clearer, louder. I looked up and saw him staring
at me, his face
excited now. Then he took in a big breath and halfway flinched,
pulling his head between
his shoulders, and old Mom just patted him on the back,
telling him, "No." Calmly and
matter-of-factly, she said, "This is dinner. Just
dinner." Then she told him the date.
Whitney
leaned close to me, and as if we were in study hall, she whispered,
"It's a matter of time.
Marvin is uprooted in time."
All I could do was nod and say, "Huh."
"Uprooted," she
repeated, as if it was the official medical term. "One of our
recent visitors was a Nobel
winner," she continued. "A physicist. Or a
mathematician. Either way, he explained that
somehow Marvin's brain works
backward. Sometimes the electrons travel in reverse inside
him, and all of a
sudden, the future turns into his past. Which is why he remembers things
that
haven't happened. And why he can seem, now and again, a little bit confused."
Again, I
said, "Huh."
She looked at Mom. "Is that the way Dr. Roonie explained it?"
The old gal shook
her head. "Not really. No." But instead of setting us
straight, she wadded up a napkin and
dabbed the spit off of her son's mouth and
chin.
The kitchen door opened. I found myself
glad for the interruption.
But instead of a fancy meal brought on silver trays, I saw
another ex-Marine
type carrying a pair of huge white sacks from McDonald's.
Mom tore both
sacks open, then handed out the treasures.
"Mr. Dubrook. A Big Mac, or a fish sandwich?"
"A Big Mac. Please."
"Shake or pop?"
"A shake...I guess..."
"We have both," she promised.
I
was nervous and a little confused. "Okay," I said. "Both."
Which made her grimace. But she
pushed two cups toward me, then made a third cup
with one hand, holding it to her mouth
until the ex-Marine understood, his solid
legs carrying him out of the room in a dead
sprint, then back again, a cold can
of pop in hand.
The rest of the meal was only a little
more soothing.
Whitney kept trying to explain Marv's state-of-mind. Or lack of it. And I
tried
to understand what she was telling me. Dinner for her was a diet Coke and a fish
sandwich,
minus the fish. When she wasn't picking at her own food, she helped
Mom deal with Marv. Two
Big Macs were sawed into bite-sized pieces, and the
women used their fingers, giving the
poor guy advice about when to chew and when
it was time to swallow.
I tried not to stare.
I tried to join in the conversation and give reasonable answers to the
occasional question
thrown my way. Once or twice, Whitney asked about my life.
Then Mom would steer us back to
her son. How did I think the media treated him?
Fairly, or not? I said, "Pretty well, I
think," and I sensed from her face that
it wasn't the best possible answer. But before I
could make another stab at it,
she shook her head, telling me:
"You know, you're the only
one who's gotten to visit us. Among his childhood
friends, I mean."
I guess I felt honored.
That's what I told her, at least.
She wiped her son's mouth. Not gently, but hard, like
someone who couldn't
remember when she wasn't wiping that mouth.
Then Marv blurted out, "I
asked." He swallowed and said, "For you to come here."
I looked at him. "Thanks."
"Old...friend..."
the poor guy croaked.
"Yes, dear. Steve is a friend." Mom wiped again, even harder this
time.
I put down what was left of my sandwich.
Marv reached for me. Despite eating burgers
and probably getting zero exercise,
he still managed to be awfully thin. The hand was bones
and pink fingernails and
those pads of callus that guitar players get.
On the spur of the
moment, I asked, "Do you still play much, Marv?"
"Want to hear...?" he asked. A devilish
grin filled his face. Then to his mother
and his apparent girlfriend, he said, "Alone. In
my room."
Neither woman spoke, nor moved.
Just like that, Marv was in charge. By himself, he
tried to rise to hisfeet.
Midway up, he paused and took a deep breath. Then I joined him,
putting a hand
under a skinny arm, feeling like a giant when I eased him into the standing
position. Both women watched me, and I couldn't read either of their faces. Then
Marv
pulled himself out of my hands, and he kissed both women on their mouths,
telling them in a
quiet, practiced way, "I love you."
Then he sagged up against me, and to nobody in
particular, he said, "It's all
right. It's fine."
HIS BEDROOM must have been the library
once. It was on the ground floor, and it
was huge, the tall walls covered with fancy,
mostly empty bookshelves. Marv had
me close the door. I felt like a high schooler spending
time in a buddy's house.
I kept my voice down. I asked him, "Where do you want to go?" and
he had me ease
him down on the edge of his enormous bed. Then I took the trouble of picking
up
a fancy-looking guitar, all bright and clean with a red-and-black checkered
sling to ride
the shoulder. Turning toward him, I asked, "Is this okay -- ?"
Marv was leaning forward,
showing me the top of his head.
Intentionally, I mean. Ghostly fingers pulled apart the
long hair, and where it
was thinnest, I could see the vicious scars caused by his car
crash.
"I have headaches," he said. "Always."
I said, "I'm sorry."
"Maybe that's why..." he
began. Then he hesitated, giving me a long, sad look
before he told me, "Out of kindness,
maybe. Because of my pain?"
I didn't have a clue what he was telling me.
All I could think
of saying was, "Maybe."
The guitar sat on the bed next to Marv. Forgotten.
Up on the wall,
between a window and the closed door, was a long whiteboard.
Like something you'd see in
school. The date was written on it in big black
numbers.
"Are you all right, Marv? Do you
need anything?"
He said, "No." Then, "Yes."
I started to ask him, "What do you need -- ?"
But he interrupted me. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it. To graduation, I mean."
"You had
better things to do," I told him.
He snorted, then laughed. Which made him wince in pain,
and he doubled over and
coughed a few times. Weakly.
From the other side of the door, his
mother called out, "Are you all right,
Marvin?"
"No," he replied. Then he was laughing
again, his face twisted from the pleasure
or the pain. I couldn't tell which.
Only one set
of shelves had books. It looked like an old woman's library.
Reader's Digest condensations,
plus a few hundred romance paperbacks. I stared
at the books because I didn't want to look
at him anymore. Then I heard Marv
telling me, "Yeah, it's there," as if I knew what he was
talking about.
"Right where you expect it," he told me.
I looked at him. Not a clue in my
head, I asked, "What are you talking about ?"
He just smiled, looking just like that goofy
little twit that I'd barely known
all those years ago. Quietly, in a near-whisper, he said,
"It's on the top
shelf. Behind the books."
"Are you still smoking ditch weed?" I asked.
He
winked at me. And chuckled.
I told him, "I hope you know, I never looked in your hiding
place."
No response.
"Except," I added, "when they told me you were hurt. I was afraid
they'd search
our locker, and I'd get blamed for your shit."
"Look," he urged me now. "I
want you to."
I reached high, expecting a plastic sack full of drugs. But instead of that,
I
found an old spiral notebook, the paper gone yellow and brittle. I opened it and
flipped
through the tired pages. It took a few moments before I finally realized
what I was seeing.
Words, written fast and sloppy. But I could decipher enough
words to realize, "This is your
song. Isn't it?"
"My song," he chimed.
Then again, he told me, "Look."
I thought I was. But
then something obvious hit me, and I understood what he
wanted. Trembling, I flipped to the
last page, and I read it. After so many
months of hearing Will Be on every radio, I knew
instantly that this verse had
never been sung in public.
I said, "Shit."
"You found it," he
whispered. Then with a louder voice, he added, "This isn't
the time. It's too early."
I read
the verse three or four times.
Always, my eyes stuck on the name Steve Dubrook.
Then I
couldn't read it anymore, and not knowing what to do, I put the notebook
back in its hiding
place, and I started for the bedroom door. I don't remember
being angry, or scared, I just
wanted very much to be somewhere else in the
world.
"Come see me again," Marv told me.
That's
when I turned and told him, "You know, I wasn't your friend. Trust me on
that. We shared a
locker, that's all. I barely knew you...you little shit..."
Marv smiled anyway, and he lay
back on his bed, telling me, or maybe telling
himself, "Some days, I want to die so
much..."
I practically ran for the front door.
His mother was sitting in the parlor, waiting
for me. Her face was a mixture of
anger and something else. Indifference. Acceptance.
Whatever. She was bolt
upright in one of the old chairs, her hands knotted up in her lap
and her eyes
cutting through me until I had to tell her, "I won't do it. It's bullshit, and
I
won't."
She pulled her eyes shut, then said, "But you don't have any choice. Do you?"
I
turned and walked outside, crossing that giant porch. Whitney was waiting. She
came at me
and smiled in the oddest way. And as I was trying to slip around her,
she planted a little
wet kiss on my lips.
"What's that for?" I sputtered.
She just smiled in a bleak, forgiving
way.
Again, I said, "What?"
"I'm an excellent judge of people," the girl purred. "And I
think you're really
a fine person, Mr. Dubrook. When it's time and you do it, you'll be
acting out
of kindness. Just like Marv wants -- "
"Fuck Marv!" I screamed.
And that was the
moment, the very first one, that I actually felt that maybe I
could, like the song says,
"Put a bullet into the singer's face."
The rest of my story is more or less public.
For a
few more months, I tried to live my own life, taking care of my business
and enjoying the
occasional date. There were days when I very nearly convinced
myself that the last verse
would remain secret. A private mistake. But there
were also days when Whitney or Mother
Donner would come into my store,
pretending to need groceries. In other words, they were
checking up on me, and
reminding me that they hadn't forgotten.
One day, I walked up to that
old woman. "I won't do it," I promised. "I won't
shoot him, or kick him. Or even see him
again."
Which would have been welcome news, if you're a normal mom with a normal kid.
But
she wasn't. In her mind, I was an agent of God or the Future. Whichever. And
since I needed
prodding, she must have gotten Whitney to talk with Rolling
Stone.
At the end of the
interview, apparently by accident, the girl let it slip that
there was a secret final
verse. Then she told the world what was supposed to
happen. And if that wasn't sick enough,
she let the reporter know just enough to
follow the trail back to me.
I thought I had a plan
ready.
If the secret ever broke, I told myself, I was going to empty out the cash
drawers
and my bank accounts and borrow on my credit cards. Then I would
disappear into Mexico, or
out on the high seas somewhere.
The problem was that I needed time to vanish.
Which the
press didn't give me.
I went to bed as one person, then woke up famous. Infamous. Whatever.
Police had to set up barricades around my store to hold back the crowds, then
the car
traffic got too heavy, and they shut down the street in front of us. But
still thousands
came through the doors in those first days, hoping to see the
famous angel of death, and
sometimes they would buy a pack of gum or a package
of T-bones. And that's when I realized
that not only was I stupid to ever think
that I could actually vanish, but I was even more
of an idiot to think that I'd
want to.
Letterman and Leno had fun at my expense. Those old
bastards told their stupid
jokes, and I got angry. But it didn't do any good, so I just
stopped watching
them.
People I met and people who'd known me for years wanted to know how
it was to be
part of the most famous song of all time.
But really, isn't that what we've all
been doing for the last year, anyway?
Everything's been decided for us. Everyone has
agreed. In another year-plus,
Westfall will be our President and we'll be fighting with
China. And of course
we'll win. We know that's the truth because some guy who can't even
hold up half
a conversation once wrote something that never actually mentioned the Chinese.
Sometimes I lie awake, and I just wonder.
Lucee's back in my life. Now that I'm famous, she
comes into the store every
day. Just to wink and wave and hope that I'll give her two
seconds of time.
I'm the hub of history, she tells me. When I give her the chance.
In these
last weeks, about a hundred different lawyers have sent me business
cards. One of them
wrote, "Think of me afterward. If it looks like a mercy
killing, I can get you 2 to 5. Down
to time served, with good behavior."
Just the other day, I was pulled over for doing fifty
in a thirty-five zone. But
the cop recognized me and let me off with a warning. Or two
warnings, really. He
said, "Mr. Dubrook," with a quiet, serious voice. He said, "The kind
way,
really, is to put it here." Then he touched his own temple, giving me this
knowing
little wink.
Honestly, a man has to just wonder.
There's a thousand ways to write, "Go to
the store," and every version works
well enough. So why couldn't some head-wounded druggy
write a bunch of nonsense
that only seems to have come true?
We've been playing this huge
and dangerous and very stupid game.
Tomorrow, Senator Westfall blows back into town. He's
leading in the polls by
barely thirty points, and his opponent has grown his own scraggly
gray beard.
Which means it's time for another visit to poor Marv.
Maybe I could get onto the
grounds, and with a cheap revolver, put a bullet into
the mansion's fancy woodwork. Then I
would sit in a prison cell for the next few
years, safe and tidy, and people around the
world would realize that not
everything in that damned song was going to come true.
Except I
don't want to sit in any prison. Ever.
And I suppose I could kill myself now. Today. That
would hopefully put an end to
this craziness.
But I'm not going to be that kind of hero.
Just
yesterday, Lucee came into the store, and she cornered me against the
greeting cards. She
told me exactly how many days it was until the big day, then
she asked me how it felt to be
one of God's angels.
"Shit," I said.
I told her that I was just going to keep living my
life. And why not? My
business is booming. There's some nice ladies who find me intriguing,
but they
don't bring these things up over dinner. Or in bed. Plus Letterman's people are
talking about a little something next month. And of course, people like you are
paying for
this interview.
For me, life has never been better.
But Lucee couldn't drop it. She kept
calling me God's angel and asking how it
felt. And finally, I flat-out told her, "I'm not
going to shoot anyone.
Particularly not Marvin Donner. When the big day comes, I'm going to
be
somewhere else. And I'm not telling where."
"But you can't," she told me. "How can you
avoid your destiny?"
"Easily," I replied.
"But if you don't do this one thing," she
sputtered, in horror, "then our
future...it's totally and forever changed...!"
Which made me
laugh.
That's what I did.
I just held my belly and shook my head and laughed, and after a
little moment, I
said, "Darling." I said, "Don't you get it? That's the way it's always
been."