GROWING UP IN EDGE CITY

by Fredrik Pohl
Version 1.0


Among the closest friends I had in the thirty years I lived in Red Bank, New Jersey, was a family named Waterman. Bob and Dorothy and their offspring, who were much of an age with my own. It was a great loss when they moved nearly a hundred miles away, to the antique New Jersey resort city of Cape May, which is about as far south as you can get in The state without swimming. So, when I could, I drove down to visit them with as much of my family as could be collected for the purpose. All the way down the Garden State Parkway, on one visit, a story was nibbling at my mind-not just a set of characters and situations but a particular way of telling the story that I had just invented and wanted to try out. After we'd all caught up on old times over lunch, and the kids had none off to the boats or the shopping centers or the boardwalk and beach, I mentioned to Dorothy Waterman that I had just realized the right place to set the story was right in Cape May. "Well, she said, "I've got a typewriter I'm not using- And so, sitting on the Watermans' porch, between lunch and our dinner date at one of the best seafood restaurants in the world, this came out.

In the evenings after school Chandlie played private games. He was permitted to do so. His overall index of gregariousness was high enough to allow him to choose his own companions, or no companion at all but a Pal, when he wanted it that way. On Tueday and Fourthday he generally spent his time with a seven-year-old female named Marda, quick and bright, with a chiseled, demure little face that would have beseemed pretty woman of twenty, apt at mathematical intuitions and the stringing of beads. The proctors logged in their private games under the heading of "sensuality sensitivity training, but they called them "You Show Me Yours and I'll Show You Mine. The proctors, in their abstract and deterministic way, approved of what Chandlie did. Even then he was marked for special challenge, having been evaluated as Councilman potential. and when on most other evenings Chandlie went down to the machine rooms and checked out a Pal, no objections were raised, no questions were asked, and no follow-up warnings were flagged in the magnetic cores of his record-fiche. He went off freely and openly, wherever he chose. This was so even though there was a repeating anomaly in his log. Almost every evening for an hour or two, Chandlie's personal transponder stopped broadcasting his location fix. They could not tell where he was in Edge City. They accepted this because of their own limitations. It was recorded in the proctors basic memory file that there were certain areas of the City in which old electromagnetic effects interfered with the radio direction finding signals. They were not strategically important areas. The records showed nothing dangerous or forbidden there. The proctors noted the gap in the log but attached no importance to it. As a matter of routine they opened up the Pal's chrome-steel tamper-proof course-plot tapes from time to time, but it was only spot-checking. They did the same for everyone's Pal. They never found anything significantly wrong in Chandue's. If they had been less limited, they might have inquired further. A truly good program would have cross- referenced Chandlie's personality profile, learned from it that he was gifted in man-machine interactions, and deduced from this the possibility that he had bugged the Pal. If they had then checked the Pal's permanent record of instructions, they would have learned that it was so. They did not do that. The proctors were not particularly sophisticated computer programs. They saw in their inputs no reason to be suspicious. Chandlie's father and mother could have told the programs all about him, but they had been Dropouts since he was three.

At the edge of Edge City, past the school sections, near the hospital and body-disposal units, there was a dark and odorous place. Ancient steel beams showed scarred and discolored. They bore lingering radioactivity, souvenir of an old direct hit from a scrambler missile. It was no longer a dangerous place, but it was not an attractive one, either, and on the master location charts it was designated for storage. It was neither very useful nor very much used. What could be stored there was only what was not very much valued, and there were few such things kept in Edge City. If they were remembered. The air was dank. Spots of mildew and rust appeared and swelled on whatever was there. However often the Handys came in to scrub and burn and polish, the surfaces were never clean. It was environmentally interesting, in a city where there was no such thing as environment, for at times it was pervaded by a sound like a distant grumbling roar, and at times it grew quite cold or quite hot. These were the things that had first interested Chardlie in it. What capped his interest was discovering by accident, one evening when he had just returned from wandering in the strange smells and sounds, that the proctors had not known where he was. He determined to spend more time there. The thought of doing something the proctors did not know all about was both scary and irresistible. His personal independence index had always been very high, almost to the point of remedial action. On his second visit, or third, he discovered the interesting fact that some of the closed doors were not locked on a need-to-enter basis. They were merely closed and snapped. Turning a knob would open them. Anyone could do it. He opened every door he passed. Most of them led only to empty rooms, or to chambers that might as well be empty for all he could make of the gray metal cylinders or yellowed fiber cartons that were stacked forgotten inside them. Some of the doors, however, led to other places, and some of the places were not even marked on the city charts. With his Pal romping and humming its shrill electronic note by his side, Chandlie penetrated the passages and stairways he found right up to the point at which he became certain he was not permitted to be there. A buckled guide rail that gouged at his flesh told him that. These areas were dangerous. Having reached that conclusion, he returned to his studies and spent a week learning how to reprogram the Pal to go into sleep mode on voice command from himself. He then returned to the dangerous area, left the Pal curled up inside one of the uninteresting doors, and went on into the unknown, down a broad and dusty flight of stairs.

In the pits under Edge City the air was damper and danker even than in the deserted places above. It was not at all cold. Charidlie was astonished to discover that he was sweating. He had never known what it was like to sweat before in his life, except as a natural consequence of exercise or, once or twice, while experiencing an illness surrogate. It took some time for him to realize that the reason for this was that the air about him was quite warm, perhaps as much as ten degrees over the 280C at which he had spent his life. Also, the grumbling roaring noise was sharper and nearer, although not as loud as he had sometimes heard it before. He looked about himself wonderingly and uncertainly. There were many things here that were strange, unfamiliar, and, although he had not had enough of a background of experience to be sure of correctly identifying the sensation, frightening. For example, this part of the City was not very well lighted. Every other public place he had ever seen had been identically illuminated with the changing skeins of soft brilliance from their liquid crystal walls. Here it was not like that. Light came from discrete points. There was a bright spot enclosed in a glass sphere here, another there, another five meters away. Objects cast shadows. Chandlie spent some time experimenting with making shadows. Sometimes there were considerable gaps between the points of light, with identical glass spheres that looked like the others but contained no central glowing core, as though they had stopped working and for some reason the Handy machines had not made them work again. Where this happened the shadows merged to produce what he recognized as darkness. Sometimes as a little boy during the times when his room light was sleep-reduced he had pulled the coverlid over his head to see what darkness was like. Warm and cozy. This was not cozy. Also, there were distant thumping, creaking sounds. Also, he remembered that not far above him and beyond him was the corpse-disposal area, and while he had no unhealthy fear of cadavers, he did not like them. Chandlie felt to some degree ill at ease. To some degree he wished that he had not countercommanded his Pal to stay behind. It was exciting to be all on his own, but it was also worrisome. It would have been a comfort to have the Pal gamboling and humming beside him, to see its bright milky- blue eyes following him, to know that in the event of any unprogrammed event it would automatically relay a data pulse to the proctors for evaluation and, if need be, action. What action? he thought. Like rescuing a little boy from goblins, he joked to himself, remembering a story from his preprimary anthropology talk-times. Joking to himself helped him put aside the cobwebby fears. He still felt them, but he did not feel any of them strongly enough to turn back. His index of curiosity, also, was very high.

All of this was taking place on a Wonday, after scheduled hours, which meant that Chandlie had received his weekly therapies that day and was chockful of hormones, vitamins, and confidence. Perhaps it was that which made him so bold. On such accidents of timing so many things depend. But he went on. After a time he discovered that the new world he was exploring was no longer getting darker. It was getting lighter. Simultaneously it was becoming even more hot. Sweat streamed from his unpracticed pores. Salty moisture drenched the long hair at his temples, dampened his chest, rolled in beads from his armpits and down his back. He became aware that he himself had an odor. The light was brighter before him than it was behind, and rounding a corner, he saw a yellow radiance that made him squint. He stopped. Reinventing the Eskimo glare-reducer on the spot, he stared through his half-spread fingers. Then, heedless, he ran down a flight of ancient steps, almost falling as one slid loosely away beneath him but righting himself and running on. He stopped on an uneven surface of grayish-yellowish gritty grains that he recognized, from Earth Sciences, as sand. The great distant noise was close now, grave and impersonal rather than threatening; he saw what it came from. Rolling hillocks of water humped themselves slowly up out of a flat blue that receded into infinity before him. They grew, peaked, bent forward, and crashed in white wet spray, and the noise was their serial collision with themselves and with the sand. The heat was unbearable, but Chandlie bore it. He was entranced, thrilled, consternated, delighted almost out of his skull. This was a "beach! That was "sea! He was "outdoors! No such things had ever happened to any young person he had ever known or heard of. No such things happened to anyone but Dropouts. He had never expected any such thing to happen to him. It was not that he was unaware that there were places not in the Cities. Earth Sciences had taught him all that, as they taught him about the sluggishly molten iron core at the Earth's heart and the swinging distant bodies that were called "Moon and "planets and "stars. He had even known, by implication and omission rather than by ever hearing it stated as a fact, that somewhere in the world between the Cities were places like the places where people had lived generations and, oh, ages ago, when people were dull and cruel, and that it was at least in theory possible for a person from a city to stand in such a place and not at once become transformed into a Dropout, or physically changed, or killed. But he had never known that such places could be found near Edge City.

All that very painful brightness came from one central brightness which, as Chandlie knew, was the "Sun. It cost him some pain and several minutes of near blindness to learn that it could not be looked at directly without penalty. Its height, he recalled, meant "midday, which was puzzling until he deduced and remembered enough to understand that City time was world time. He had known that solar time differed as one went east or west, but it had never mattered before. As he became able to see again he looked about him. When he looked before him, he saw the roiling sweep of the ocean, dizzyingly big. When he looked behind him, he saw the skirted and stilted bulk of Edge City rising away like the Egyptian tetrahedral tombs for the royal dead. To his right Was a stretch of irregular sand and sea that curved around out of sight under a corner of the city. But to his left, to his left, there was something quite strange. There were buildings. Buildings, plural. Not one great polystructure like a proper City, buildings. People moved among them. He breathed deeply to generate courage and walked toward them. Plodding through the sand was new to him, difficult, like walking with five-kilogram anklets on a surface that slid and slipped and caved irregularly away under his footgloves. The people saw him long before he was close enough to speak or hear, even a shout, over the wind and the breaking waves. They spoke to each other, and then gestured toward him. He could see that they were smiling. He knew at once that they were Dropouts. As he came closer to them, and a few of them walked toward him., he could see that some of them were not very clean, and all of them were straggly-haired, the women just on their scalps, the men wherever men could grow hair, beards, sideburns, mustaches, one barrel of a man thatched front and back with a bear's pelt. They all seemed quite old. Surely not one was under twenty. Physically they were deviant in accidental and unwholesome ways. On school trips to the corpse-disposal areas Chandlie had been struck by the unkemptness of the dead, but these people were living and unkempt. Some were gray and balding. Some women's breasts hung like sucked-dry fruits. Some wore glass disks in frames before their eyes. The faces of some were seamed and darkened. Some stood stooped, or bent, or walked limping. The clothes they wore did not hug and constrain them as right clothing should. The things they wore were smocks or shorts or sweaters. Or anything at all. As Chandlie had never seen an ugly person, he did not recognize what he felt as revulsion; and as he did not recognize it, it was not that, it was only disquiet. He looked at them curiously and seekingly. It occurred to him that his father and his mother might be among these people. He did not recognize them, but then he had very little memory of what his father and mother looked like.

As a very little boy Chandlie had experienced a programming malfunction in one of his proctors. It had taken the form of giving him incomplete answers and sometimes incomplete questions. The parts it left out were often the direct statements. The parts it gave him were then only the supplementary detail: "Proctor, what is the shape of the Earth? "- which is why your transparency buildups show a ship disappearing from the bottom up as it reaches the horizon. He had required remedial confidence building after that. And may have had an overdose. It was a little like that with the Dropouts. They made him welcome, speaking to him from very close up so that he turned his head to avoid their breaths. They offered him disgusting sorts of food, which he ate anyway, raw fruits and cooked meats. Some of them actually touched him or tried to kiss him. "What we want to give you, they said, "is love. This troubled him. He did not want to conceive a child with any of them, and some of the speakers, also, were male. They said things like, "You are so young to come to us, and so pretty. We welcome you. They showed him everything they did and offered him their pleasures. On a walkway made of wood with the beach below them and surf spraying up onto his face they took him into a round building with a round turntable. Some of the younger, stronger men pushed at poles and stanchions and got it revolving slowly and wobblingly. It bore animal figures that moved as it turned, and they invited him to ride them. "It is a merry-go-round, they cried. To oblige them he sat on one of the horses for a revolution or two, but it was nothing compared to a Sleeter or Jumping Pillows. "We live freely and without constraint, they said. "We take what the world gives us and harm no one. We have joys the City has forgotten. Causing him to detach the lower part of his day garment so that his feet and legs were naked to the codpiece, they walked with him along the edge of the water. Waves came up and bathed his ankles and receded again. Grit lodged between his toes. His thighs itched from drying salt. They said to him: "See over here, where the walls have corroded away. They led him under the skirt of the City to an in-port. Great cargo carriers were rolling in from the agrocommunes, pouring grain and frozen foods into the hoppers, from which three of the youngest Dropouts were scooping the next day's meals into canvas pouches. "The City does not need all of this, they said, "but if they knew we took it, they would drive us away. They warmed berries between their grimy palms and gave them to Chandlie until he could eat no more. "Stay with us, they pleaded. "You are a human being, or you would not have come here alone! The City is not a life for human beings. He began to feel quite ill. He was conscious, too, of the passage of time. As the sun disappeared behind the gray pyramid and the wind from the sea became cold, they said: "If you must go back, go back. But come again. We do not have many children here ever. We like you. We want to love you. He allowed some of them to touch him, then turned and retraced his steps. He did not like the way he felt and did not understand the way he smelled. It was the first time in his life that Chandlie had been dirty.

When he reactivated his Pal, the machine immediately went into receiving mode. It then turned to Chandlie with its milky-blue eyes gleaming and spoke: "Chandlie, you must report at once to the proctors. "All right, he said. He had been expecting it. Although he was good at reprogramming machines, he had not expected to be gone so long and had not prepared for it.

The proctors received him in the smallest of the Interview Halls. He entered through a door that closed behind him and immediately became only one more square in a checkerboard of mirrors and gray metal panels. Behind some of the mirrors the proctors were scanning him. Behind others there might be members of the council, or apprentices, or interested citizens, anyone. He could not see, he could only see himself reflected into infinity wherever he looked. He stood under the heatless bright lights, blinking stubbornly. The proctors did not ask him any questions. They did not make any threats, either. They merely made a series of statements as follows: "Chandlie. First, you have interfered with the operation of your Pal. Second, you have absented yourself without authorization. Third, you have visited an area of the City where you have no occasion to go. Fourth, you have failed to report your activities in the proper form. They were then silent for a time. It was at this time that he was permitted to offer any corrections or supplementary information if he wished to do so. He did not. He stood mute, and after the appropriate time had passed, the proctors instructed him to withdraw. One square of mirror swung forward and became a door again, and he left the room. He returned to his dormitory. His peers were all in their own rooms and presumably asleep; it was very late. Chandlie bathed carefully, attempted to vomit, failed, rinsed his mouth carefully, and put on a sleeping blouse. The food the Dropouts had given him did not satisfy him, but he was afraid to eat until it had gone through his system. All that night he tossed and turned, waking up enough to know where he was and remember where he had been and then falling back to sleep again, unsatisfied and unresolved.

For some days Chandlie continued his normal life, but he was aware that the matter would not stop there. Prudence suggested to him that he should behave at least normally, if possible exemplarily. Curiosity overrode prudence. In free-study times he dialed for old books that were known to be of interest to Dropouts, Das Kapital and Walden and silly, sexy satires by people like Voltaire and Swift. He played old ballads by people like Dylan Thomas and Joan Baez. He read poetry: Wordsworth, Browning, Ginsberg. He studied old documents that, so said his books, had once been electrically important, and was baffled by contextual ignorance ("A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. "Militia ? "State ? "Bear - in the sense of bearing a child, perhaps? But only the arm parts?), until he reached the decision to ask for clarification from the preceptors for Social Studies. Then he was baffled to understand why these things were important. They were gritty days for Chandlie. His age-peers detected that something was wrong almost at once, deduced that he was in trouble with the proctors and, naturally enough, anticipated the punishment of the proctors with punishments of their own. In Living Chess he was played only as a pawn, though usually he had been a bishop and once a rook. His Tai Chi movements were voted grotesque, and he was not invited to exercise with the rest of his group. They did not speak of his situation to him directly, except for Marda. She sat down next to him in free time and said, "I'll miss you if you go away, Chandlie. He pored mulishly over a series of layover transparency prints. "Why do you look at them when I'm here? she cried. He said crushingly, "Your genitalia are juvenile. These are adult, much more interesting. She grew angry. "I don't think I want to con- ceive with you ever, she said. He put down the cassette of transparencies, stood up, and rapped on the door of an older girl. It was the first time he had ever seen tears. The second time was the following Fiveday, when he was called before the council of decision-making persons and saw his own.

The council, which was charged with the responsibility for making decisions in all cases not covered by standing instructions to the proctors, met when it needed to, where it chose to. Chandlie was of some interest to them, for whatever personal reasons each of them had for concerning him- herself, and so there were nearly twenty-five persons present when he was admitted. The room they chose to use this time was rather like the drawing room of a gentlemen's club. There were small tables with inlaid chessboards, sideboards with coffee, candies, refreshments of all kinds, stereopaints of notables of the City's history squirming on the walls. The head of the council, as ofthat hour, indicated a comfortable seat for Chandlie and gave him a cup of chilly sweet foam that was flavored with fruits and mint. He was a man. He looked about thirty, with neat bangs, wide-spaced tawny eyes, diffraction-grating rings on his fingers that moved hypnotically as he gestured. "Chandlie, he said, "we have a full file of reports. Beach sand, bits of weathered wood and caked salt have been found on your garments and on your skin, after evaporating wash water. Stool analysis shows consumption of nearly raw vegetable foods. We then ordered a spectral study of your skin and found compensatory pigmentation of your arms, face, neck, and lower body compatible with exposure to unfiltered sunlight. There is no point in wasting our time, Chandlie. It is clear that you have been outside the City. The boy nodded and said, "Yes, I have been outside the City. He had thought carefully of what he should say when he was asked questions, for he was aware of the risks involved. Risks to himself, to some extent. His ambitions were not fully formed at that time, but they excluded being downgraded as a potential Dropout. Risks to the Dropouts themselves in a much more immediate way, of course. "What did you see outside? asked the head of the council in a friendly and curious way, and all of the twenty-five, or almost all, stopped talking or reading to listen. "I saw a beach, cried Chandlie. "It was very strange. The Sun was so hot, the wind so strong. There were waves a meter and a half high that came in and crashed on the sand. I walked in the water, I found berries. They did not taste very good, but I ate them. There were buildings made of wood and, I think, plaster? He was asked to describe the buildings; he did so. He was asked why he was there; he told them it was curiosity. Finally he was asked, very gently. "And did you see any people? At once he replied: "Of course, there were some women in the corpse-disposal area. I think someone they knew had died. And a man adjusting some Handy's. "No, said the head of the council, "we mean outside. Did you see anyone there'? Chandlie looked astonished. "How could anyone live there? he asked. "No. I didn't see anyone. The head of the council, after a while, looked around at the others. He held up seven fingers inquiringly. Most of them nodded, some shrugged, a few were paying no attention at all. "You have seven demerits. Chandlie, he said, "and you will work them off as the proctors direct. At once Chandlie was enraged. "Seven! he cried. "How unfair! It was maddening that they should have believed him and still awarded so harsh a punishment, seven days without free time, or seven weeks with no optional-foods privileges, or seven of whatever the proctors judged would be most punitive, and therefore most likely to discourage repetition of the infractions, for him. Before he left he was in tears, which only resulted in two additional demerits. He was then returned to his peer group, who gradually accepted him again as before.

For more than twenty years Chandlie kept the secret of the Dropout colony outside Edge City. He did not return there in all that time. But he did not speak of it, not even to Marda, by whom he did indeed conceive a child at the appropriate time. As a child he accumulated very few further demerits, and as a young adult none. His conduct was a model to the entire city and particularly, almost offensively, to his peer group, who reluctantly but inevitably elected him their age representative when he was almost thirty. It was then, with a seat on the council, that he achieved his intention. He disclosed the full truth of his expedition outside the City. He denounced the former councilpersons for their failure to recognize when a little boy was lying. He accused them of suspecting that there was indeed a Dropout colony at the edge of Edge City, and proposed that he himself be given the authority to deal with it. Angrily the ones he had denounced left, refusing to vote. Resentfully the ones who remained gave him the authority. He then in person, in person, he himself, went outside, himself directing the armed Pals with their lasers and serrated steel fangs. The weathered buildings burned sullenly but surely as the heat of the lasers drove out the long accumulation of brine. The Dropouts screamed and ran before the Pals snapping at them. Some escaped, but not very many. A crew of Handys was set to repairing and strengthening the walls around the food input areas, so that in the event any Dropouts returned they would be unable to continue their pilferage. When Chandlie reentered the City, there was nothing left outside that was alive, or useful. The following year he was elected head of the council years before his turn, and several times again. This had been his intention. He knew that he could not have achieved this so soon if it had not been for the Dropouts. In a sense he remained forever grateful to them. Sometimes he wondered if any of them were still alive in whatever part of the scarred and guarded Earth they had fled to. In a way he hoped some were. It would have been useful to know of another Dropout colony, although he really had no particular interest in harrying them, unless, of course, he could see a way in which it would benefit his career.

o trading for a living, then things can settle down."

"We're on yellow, right now."

Jeremy's worry was beginning to make him nervous. And he tried not to be. "Hey, we gave the Union-siders a whole bottle of Scotch. They've got to be in a good mood"

"I mean, you know, I didn't think I was going to like this trading business."

"So do you?"

"Yeah. Kind of. I didn't think I would."

"Neither did I. I thought being on this ship was the worst thing that could happen to me."

"Mariner was wild," Jeremy said with what sounded like forced cheerfulness. "Mariner was really wild."

"Yeah," he agreed. "It was."

"Did you like it?"

"Yeah," Fletcher said, and realized he actually wasn't lying.

"I did, too," Jeremy said. "I really did. It was the best time I ever had."

He couldn't exactly say that about it.

But he didn't somehow think Jeremy was conning him, at least to the limits of Jeremy's intentions. That ever touched him, swelled up something in his heart so that he didn't know how to follow that remark, except to say that the time they had wasn't over, and there wasn't any use in their being panicked now.

"The ship doesn't wait," he said quietly. "Isn't that what they said when I was late to board? The ship doesn't wait and nothing's ever stopped her. She's fought Mazian's carriers, for God's sake. She's not going to run scared of some skuz freighter."

"No," Jeremy agreed, with a nervous laugh, and sounding a little more like himself. "No, Champlain might be tough, I mean, a lot of the rimrunners are pretty good, but we're way far better."

"Well, then, quit worrying. What are you worried about?"

"Nothing. The takeholds and the lockdowns, this is pretty usual. This is pretty like always." Jeremy was quiet a moment. Then, fiercely, but with the wobble back in his voice: "I'm not scared. I never was scared. I'm just kind of disgusted."

"With what?"

"I mean, I liked the liberties we had, I mean, you know, we could go out on docks most always, and Sol Station was pretty wild."

"I imagine it was. You'd rather be back there?"

"No," Jeremy said faintly. "We couldn't ever go outside Blue Sector, ever. They'd just kind of, you know, approve a couple of places we could go to, JR would, or Paul, before him. But always line-of-sight with the ship berth. Even the seniors couldn't. They had this place set aside, we'd stay there, and we could do stuff only in Blue."

"You mean I was conned."

"Not ever. I mean, before Mariner that was the way it was. We got to go out of Blue a little, at Pell. Pell was pretty good. But Mariner was the best. It was really the best."

They're talking about us spending a month there."

"If it happens."

"It'll happen. I bet it happens." Fletcher was determined, now, to jolly the kid out of it. "What's your first stop? First off, when we get there, what do you want to do?"

"Dessert bar," Jeremy said.

"For a month?"

"Every day."

"They'll have to rate you as cargo."

Jeremy grinned and flung a pillow over the edge.

He flung it back. It failed to clear the level of Jeremy's bunk. Fletcher retrieved the pillow and made two more tries at throwing it against the push.

"You'll never make it!" Jeremy cried

"You wait!" He unbelted and carefully, joints protesting, got out of his bunk, standing on the drawers, pillow in hand. Jeremy saw him and tucked up, trying to protect himself.

"No fair, no fair!"

"You started it!" He got his arm up and slammed the pillow at Jeremy's midsection.

"Truce!" Jeremy cried. "You'll break your neck! Cut it out!"

"Truce," he said, and, leaving the pillow with Jeremy, got back down into his bunk without breaking anything, a little out of breath.

"You all right?" Jeremy asked.

"Sure I'm all right. You're the one that cheats on the V-dumps! You're worried?"

"I don't want you to break your neck."

"Good. Suppose you stay in your bunk after jump, why don't you?"

"If you don't get up again."

"Deal."

He thought maybe Jeremy hadn't expected to get snagged into that. There was silence for a while.

"Jeremy?"

"Yeah."

"You all right up there?"

"Yeah, sure."

There was more silence.

An uncomfortable silence. Fletcher couldn't say why he was worried by it. He figured Jeremy was reading or listening to his music.

"So you say Esperance is supposed to be pretty good," he said finally, looking for response out of the upper bunk. "Maybe they'll give us some time there."

"Yeah," Jeremy said. "That'd be better. That'd be a lot better than Voyager. My toes still hurt"

"You put salve on them?"

"Yeah, but they still hurt."

"I don't think I want to work cargo."

"Me, either. Freeze your posterity off."

"Yeah," he said. The atmosphere was better then. "You got that Mariner Aquarium book?"

"I lent it." He was disappointed. He was in a sudden mood to review station amenities. "Linda and her fish tape."

"Yeah," Jeremy said. There was a sudden shift from the bunk above. An upside down head, hair hanging. "You know she can't eat fish now?"

"You're kidding."

"Says she sees them looking at her. I'm not sure I like fishcakes, either."

"Downers eat them, with no trouble. Eat them raw."

"Ugh," Jeremy said. "Ugh. You're kidding."

"I thought about trying it."

"Ugh," was Jeremy's judgment. The head popped back out of sight "That's disgusting."

The engines reached shut-down. Supper arrived fairly shortly. Bucklin brought it, and it was more than sandwiches.

It was hot. There was fruit pie.

"Shh," Bucklin said, "Bridge crew suppers. Don't tell anybody."

"So why the lockdown?" Jeremy wanted to know.

But Bucklin left without a word, except to ask if they were set. And Fletcher didn't feel inclined to borrow trouble.

They finished the dinners, tucked the containers into their bag into the under-counter pneumatic, and began their prep for the long run up to jump, music, tapes, comfortable clothing, trank, nutri-packs and preservable fruit bars.

"We're supposed to eat lots," Jeremy said, "if we get strung jumps."

"You mean one after another."

"Yessir," Jeremy said, pulling on a fleece shirt. He still seemed nervous. Maybe, Fletcher thought, there was good reason. But they kept each others' spirits up. He didn't want to be scared in front of Jeremy; Jeremy didn't want to act scared in front of him.

They tucked down for the night, let the lights dim.

In time the engines cut in, slowly swinging their bunks toward the horizontal configuration.

"Night," Jeremy said to him.

Fletcher was conscious of night, unequivocal night, all around a ship very small against that scale.

"Behave," he said, the way his mother had used to say it to him. "We'll be fine."

"Yeah," Jeremy said. "You think Esperance'll be like Mariner?"

"Might be. It's pretty rich, what I hear."

"That's good," Jeremy said. "That's real good"

Then Jeremy was quiet, and to his own surprise the strong hand of acceleration was a sleep aid. There was nothing else to do. He waked with the jump warning sounding, and the bunk swinging to the inertial position.

"You got it?" Jeremy asked. "You got it?"

"No problem," he said, reaching for the trank in the dark. Jeremy brightened the lights and he winced against the glare. He found the packet.

Count began. Bridge wanted acknowledgement and Jeremy gave it for both of them.

All accounted for.

On their way to a lonely lump of rock halfway between Voyager and the most remote station in the Alliance.

Almost in Union territory. He'd heard that…

Rain beat on the leaves, ran in small streams off the forested hills. Cylinders were failing, but Fletcher nursed them along to the last before he changed out. Hadn't spoiled any. Hadn't any to spare. He kept a steady pace, tracing Old River by his roar above the storm.

You get lost, he'd heard Melody say, Old River he talk loud, loud. You hear he long, long way.

And it was true. He wouldn't have known his way without remembering that. The Base was upriver, always upriver.

Foot slipped. He went down a slope, got to his knee at the bottom. Suit was torn. He kept walking, listening to River, walking in the dark as well.

Waked lethargic in the morning, realizing he'd slept without changing out; and his fingers were numb and leaden as he tried to feel his way through the procedure. He'd not dropped a cylinder yet, or spoiled one, even with numb fingers. But he was down to combining the almost-spent with the still moderately good, and it took a while of shaking hands and short oxygen and grayed-out vision before he could get back to his feet again and walk.

He changed out three more, much sooner than he'd thought, and knew his decisions weren't as good as before. He sat down without intending to, and took the spirit stick from his suit where he'd stashed it, and held it, looking at it while he caught his breath.

Melody and Patch were on their way by now. Feathers bound to the stick were getting wet in the rain that heralded the hisa spring, and rain was good. Spring was good, they'd go, and have a baby that wouldn't be him.

Terrible burden he'd put on them, a child that stayed a child a lot longer than hisa infants. The child who wouldn't grow.

He'd had to be told, Turn loose, let go, fend for yourself, Melody child.

Satin said, Go. Go walk with Great Sun.

That part he didn't want. He wanted, like a child, his way; and that way was to stay in the world he'd prepared for.

But Satin said go. And among downers Satin was the chief, the foremost, the one who'd been out there and up there and walked with Great Sun, too.

He almost couldn't get his feet under him. He thought, I've been really stupid, and now I've really done it and Melody can't help. I'll die here, on this muddy bank.

And then it seemed there was something he had to do…

couldn't remember what it was, but he had to get up. He had to get up, as long as he could keep doing that.

He went down again.

Won't ever find me, he thought, distressed with himself. It must be the twentieth time he'd fallen. This time he'd slid down a bank of wet leaves.

He tried to get up.

But just then a strange sound came to his ears.

A human voice, changed by a breather mask, was saying, "Hey, kid! Kid!"

Not anymore, he thought. Not a kid anymore.

And he held onto the stick in one hand and worked on getting to his feet one more time.

He didn't make it—or did, but the ground gave way. He went reeling down the bank, seeing brown, swirling water ahead of him.

"God!" A body turned up in his path, rocked him back, flung them both down as the impact knocked the breath out of him. But strong hands caught him under the arms, saving him from the water. There was a dark spot in his time-sense, and someone sounded an electric horn, a signal, he thought, like the storm-signal.

Was a worse storm coming? He couldn't imagine.

Hands tugged at the side of his mask. His head was pounding. Then someone had shoved what must be a whole new cylinder in, and air started getting to him.

"It's all right, kid," a woman's voice said. "Just keep that mask on tight. We'll get you back."

The woman got him halfway up the slope. A man showed up and lifted, and he finally got his feet under him.

He walked, his legs hurting. He hung on one and the other of his rescuers for the hard parts, and drew larger and larger breaths, his head throbbing from the strain he'd put on his body.

They got him down to a trail, and then someone had a litter and they carried him. He lay on it feeling alternately that he was going to tumble off and that he was turning over backwards, while Great Sun was a sullen glow through gray clouds and the rain that sheeted his mask. It was hard going and his rescuers didn't talk to him. Breathing was hard enough, and he figured they'd have nothing pleasant to say.

By evening they'd reached the Base trail and he realized muzzily he must have been asleep, because he didn't remember all of the trip or the turn toward the Base.

Somebody waked him up now and again to see that he was breathing all right, and he had two cylinders, now, both functioning, so breathing was a great deal easier, better than he'd been able to rely on for the days he'd been out.

Satin didn't want him. Melody didn't want him…

The bottom dropped out of the universe. He was falling. Falling into the water. He fought it.

Second pitch. It was V-dump. He wasn't on Old River's banks. He wasn't suffocating. He was on a ship, a million—million klicks from any world, even from any respectable star.

His ship was slowing down, way down, to match up with a target star. They were all right.

No enemies. They'd have heard if there'd been enemies.

Finity's End was solidly back in the universe again, moving with the stars and their substance.

He opened his eyes. Lay there, fumbled open a nutri-pack and sucked it down, aware of Jeremy rummaging after one.

"You all right?" he asked Jeremy.

"Yeah, fine."

He saw Jeremy had gotten his own packet open. The intercom gave an all-clear and told them their schedule. They had two hours to clean up, eat, and get back underway.

He lay there, thinking of the gray sky spinning slowly around above the treetops. Of rain on the mask. Of the irreproducible sound of thunder on the hills.

The room smelled like somebody's old shoes. And two nutri-packs down, he found the energy to unbelt and sit up.

"Shower," he said to the kid, as Jeremy stirred out of his bunk. "Or I get it."

"You can have it if you want," Jeremy said.

"No, priority to you." His stomach hadn't quite caught up. He had an ache in his shoulders. Another in his heart. "Three hours at this jump-point. We'll both make it."

"Yeah, we're going to make it," Jeremy said, and hauled his skinny body out of the bunk. "No stinking Mazianni at the point, we're going to get to Esperance and the Old Man's going to be happy and we'll be fine."

"Sounds good to me," he said, and while Jeremy went to the shower, he got up, self-disgusted, out of a bed that wanted changing, in clothes that wanted washing. He dragged one change of clothes out of the drawer, wished he had a change of sheets. He got out one of the chemical wipes and wiped his face and hands. It smelled sharp, and clean.

He could remember the stale smell of the mask flinging his own breath back at him. He could remember the fever chill of the earth, and the uneven way his legs had worked on the way home.

And Satin's stick in his hand. He'd refused to let go of it. He'd said, "Satin gave it to me," when the rescuers questioned him, and that name had shaken them, as if he'd claimed to have seen God.

He was here. He was safe.

He'd clung to the stick during that rescue without the remotest notion what to do with it, or what he was supposed to do.

Satin, in that meeting, had seen further into his future than he could imagine. She'd been in space. She knew where she sent him.

But he hadn't known.

He sat on the edge of his bunk, listening to the intercom tell them further details, where they were, how fast they were going, numbers in terms he didn't remotely understand.

But he was safe. He'd come that close to dying, and he sat here hurtling along in chancy space and telling himself he was very, very lucky; and, yes, beyond a doubt in his mind, now, Satin had sent him here. Satin, who'd known the Old Man.

He wondered if Satin had had the faintest idea he was a Neihart, or why he was on her world, when she'd sent him into space. He'd never from his earliest youth believed that downers were as ignorant as researchers kept trying to say they were. But he'd never attributed mystical powers to them: he was a stationer, too hard-headed for that—most of the time.

But underestimate them? In his mind, the researchers often did.

And in his dream and in his memory Satin had known his name.

Satin had known all about him.

She'd not gotten that from the sky. Sun hadn't whispered it to her. She'd talked to Melody and Patch.

And knowing everything hisa could remotely know about him, she'd sent him… not to the station. To his ship. Had she known Finity was in port? Had she known even that, Satin, sitting among the Watcher-stones, to which all information flowed, on quick downer feet?

Satin, who perhaps this moment was sitting, looking up at a clouded sky, and, in the manner of an old, old downer, dreaming her peace, her new heavens, into being.

She'd known. Yes, she'd known. As the Old Man of Finity's End had known—things he'd never imagined as the condition of his universe.

"All right, cousins," the intercom said. "You can eat what you stowed before jump or you can venture out for a stretch. Both mess halls will be in service in ten minutes, so it's fruit bars and nutri-packs solo or it's one of those hurry-up dinners which your bridge crew will be very grateful to receive. Remember, there is still no laundry."

Jeremy came out of the shower smelling of soap and bringing a puff of steam with him. It was far better air now. The fans were making a difference.

Downbelow slipped away in the immediacy of clean water and warmth and soap. Fletcher stripped clothes and went, chased through his mind by images of woods and water, the memory of air that wouldn't come, but the shower was safe and clean and Jeremy was his talisman against nightmares and loss.

"Sir?" JR found the Old Man's cabin dimly lighted as he brought the tray in, heard the noise of the shower, in the separate full bath Finity's senior crew enjoyed. He ordered the lights up, set the meal in the dining alcove, and took the moment to make the stripped bed with the sheets set by and waiting.

The Old Man did such things himself. The senior-juniors habitually ran errands, down to laundry, down to the med station, and back, for all the bridge crew, whose time was more valuable to the ship; but the senior crew usually did their own bed-making and food-getting if they were at all free to do so.

In the same way the Old Man rarely ordered a meal in his quarters. He was always fast on the recovery, always in his office before the galley could get that organized.

Not this time. Not with the stress of double-jumping in and short sleep throughout their stay at Voyager. He felt the strain himself, in aches and pains. Mineral depletion. Jeff had probably dumped supplement in the fruit juice, as much as wouldn't hit the gut like a body blow.

The shower cut off. JR poured the coffee. In a few more moments the bath door opened and the senior captain walked out, barefoot, in trousers and turtleneck sweater, in a gust of moist, soapy air.

"Good morning, sir." JR pulled the chair back as James Robert stepped into the scuffs he wore about his quarters, disreputable, but doubtless comfortable. A click of a remote brought the screen on the wall live, and showed them a selection of screens from the bridge.

They were at the jump-point intermediate between Voyager and Esperance, a small lump of nothing-much that radiated hardly at all. If there'd been any other mass in two lights distance, the point would have been tricky to use… dangerous. But there was nothing else out here, and it drew a ship down like a far larger mass.

Systems showed optimal. They were going to jump out on schedule. JR remarked on nothing that was ordinary: it annoyed the Old Man to listen to chatter in the morning, or after jumps. He simply stood ready to slide the chair in as the Old Man sat down.

He looked up. The captain had stopped. Cold. Staring off into nowhere with a sudden looseness in his body that said this was a man in distress.

JR moved, bumping past the chair, seized the Old Man's flaccid arm, steered him immediately to the seat at the table.

The Old Man got a breath and laid a shaking hand on the table,

"I'll get Charlie," JR began.

"No!" the Old Man said, the voice that had given him orders all his life, and it was hard to disregard it.

"You should have Charlie," JR said "Just to look—"

"Charlie has looked," the Old Man said. "Medicine cabinet, there in the bunk edge. Pill case"

He left the Old Man to get into the medicine compartment, hauled out a small pharmacy worth of pill bottles he'd by no means guessed, and brought them back to the table. The Old Man indicated the bottle he wanted, and JR opened it. The Old Man took the pill and washed it down with fruit juice.

"Rejuv's going," the Old Man said then. "Charlie knows."

It was a death sentence. A long-postponed one. JR sank down into the other chair, feeling it like a blow to the gut

"Does Madison know?"

"All of them." The Old Man was still having trouble talking, and JR kept his questions quiet, just sat there. The realization hit him so suddenly he'd felt the bottom drop out from under him… this was what the Old Man had meant at dinner that night back at Voyager. This was why it disturbed Madison: that he was saying it in public, for others to hear, not the part about the peace, but the part about finishing. The captain—the captain, among all other captains Finity had known, was arranging all his priorities, the disposition of his power, the disposition of his enemy, all those things… leading in a specific direction that left his successors no problem but Mazian. That was why the Old Man had said that peculiar thing about needing Mazian.

No, the Old Man hadn't quarreled with Mallory and then left in some decision to pursue a different direction.

The Old Man had this one, devastatingly important chance to wield the power he'd spent a protracted lifetime building.

Secure the peace. Accomplish it. And look no further into human existence. The final wall was in front of him. The point past which never.

"Shall I call Madison, sir?" he asked the Old Man.

"Why?" the Old Man challenged him sharply. And then directly to him, to his state of mind: "Worried?"

The Old Man never liked soft answers. Least of all now. JR sensed as much and looked him in the eye. "Not for the ship, sir. You'd never risk her. But Charlie's going to be mad as hell if I don't tell him."

The Old Man heard that, added it up—the flick of the eyes said that much—and took a sip of coffee. "I'll thank you to keep Charlie at bay. I've taken to bed for the duration of the voyage. I plan to get to Esperance."

"I'm grateful to know that, sir."

"Precaution," the Old Man said.

"Yes, sir."

"You don't believe it for a minute, do you?"

"I'm concerned."

"And have you been discussing this concern in mess, or what?"

"I haven't. You put one over on me, sir. Completely. I never figured this one."

"Smart lad," the Old Man said. "You always were." He lifted the lid on the breakfast. Eggs and ham. Bridge crew got the attention from the cookstaff on short time schedules. So did the captain. So did the senior-seniors, for their health's sake.

"Yes, sir," he said. "Thank you. I try to be. I suggest you eat all of it and take the vitamins. My shoulders are popping. I'd hate to imagine yours."

"The insufferable smugness of youth." James Robert looked up at him. The parchment character of his skin was more pronounced. When rejuv failed, it failed rapidly, catastrophically. Skin lost its elasticity. The endocrine system began to suffer wild surges, in some cases making the emotions spiral out of control. There might be delusions. Living a heartbeat away from the succession, JR had studied the symptoms, and dreaded them, in a man on whose emotional stability, on whose sanity, so very much depended.

"Waiting," the Old Man said, "for me to fall apart."

"No, sir. Sitting here, wondering if you were going to want hot sauce. They didn't put it on the tray."

The Old Man shot him a look. The spark was back in his eye, hard and brilliant.

"You'll do fine," the Old Man said. "You'll do fine, Jamie."

"I hope to, sir, some years from now, if you'll kindly take the vitamins."

"In my good time," the Old Man said in a surly tone. "God. Where's respect?"

"For the living, sir. Take both packets."

"Out. Out! You're worse than Madison."

"I hope so, sir." He saw what reassured him, the vital sparkle in the eyes, the lift in the voice. Adrenaline was up. "I'd suggest you leave the transit to jump to Alan and Francie. Sir."

"Jamie, get your insufferable youth back to work. I'll be at Esperance. I'm not turning a hand on this run until I have to."

"Yes, sir" he said, glad of the rally—and heartsick with what he'd learned.

"Out. Tell Madison he's got the entry duty. With first shift."

And not at all happy.

"I'm moving everybody up," the Old Man said with perfect calm. "I'm retiring after this next run. You're to take Francie's post. Madison will take mine."

"Sir…"

"I think I'm due a retirement. At a hundred forty-nine or whatever, I'm due that. I'll handle negotiations. Administrative passes to the next in line. Filling out forms, signing orders. That's all going to be Madison's, Jamie-lad. As you'll be junior-most of the captains. And welcome to it. I'm posting you. At Esperance."

The Old Man had surprised him many a time. Never like this.

"I'm not ready for this!"

The Old Man had a sip of coffee. And gave a weak laugh, "Oh, none of us are, Jamie. It's vanity, really, my hanging on, waiting for an arbitrary number, that hundred and fifty. It's silliness. I'm getting tired, I'm not doing my job on all fronts, I'm delegating to Madison as is: he'll do the nasty administrative things and I do what I do best, at the conference table. Senior diplomat. I rather like that title. Don't you think?"

"I'll follow orders, sir."

"Good thing. Fourth captain had damned well better. Meanwhile you've things to clean up before you trade in A deck."

Fletcher. The theft. All of that. And for the first time in their lives he'd be separated from Bucklin, who'd be in charge of the juniors until Madison himself retired. He'd be taking over fourth shift, dealing with seniors who'd seen their competent, life-long captain bumped to third.

He felt as if someone had opened fire on him, and there was nothing to do but absorb the hits.

"Well?" the Old Man said

"Yes, sir. I'm thinking I've got mop-up to do. A lot of it."

"Better talk to Francie. You'll be going alterday shift, when ops is in question. Better talk to Vickie, too." That was Helm 4. "You've shadowed Francie often enough."

At the slaved command board—at least five hundred hours, specifically with Francie. During ship movement, maybe a hundred. He had no question of his preparation in terms of ship's ops. In terms of his preparation in basic good sense he had serious doubts.

"Yes, sir," he said.

"Jamie," the Old Man said.

"Yes, sir?"

"The plus is… I get to see my succession at work. I get to know it will do all right. There's no greater gift you can give me than to step in and do well. Fourth shift will do Esperance system entry. You'll sub for Francie on this jump. We'll hold the formalities after we've done our work there. King George can wait for his party. We'll have occasion for our own celebration if we pull this off. We'll be posting a new captain."

Breath and movement absolutely failed him for a moment. He had no words, in the moment after that, except, quietly: "Yes, sir."

One hour, thirty-six minutes remaining, when Fletcher stood showered and dressed; and the prospect just of opening the cabin door and taking a fast walk around the corridor was delirious freedom. Jeremy was eager for it; he was; and they joined the general flow of cousins from A deck ops on their way to a hot pick-up meal and just the chance to stretch legs and work the kinks out of backs grown too used to lying in the bunk. They fell in with some of the cousins from cargo and a set from downside ops, all the way around to the almost unimaginably intense smells from the galley.

"I could eat the tables," a cousin said as they joined the fast-moving line. Jeremy had a fruit bar with him. He was that desperate. Everyone's eyes were shadowed, faces hollowed, older cousins' skin showed wrinkles it didn't ordinarily show. Everyone smelled of strong soap and had hair still damp.

Two choices, cheese loaf with sauce or souffle. They'd helped make the souffle the other side of Voyager and Fletcher decided to take a chance on that; Jeremy opted for the same, and they settled down in the mess hall for the pure pleasure of sitting in a chair. Vince and Linda joined them, having started from the mess hall door just when they'd sat down, and Jeremy nabbed extra desserts. Seats were at a premium. The mess hall couldn't seat all of A deck at once. They wolfed down the second desserts, picked up, cleaned up, surrendered the seats to incoming cousins, and headed out and down the way they'd come.

"Can I borrow your fish tape?" Jeremy asked Linda as they walked.

"I thought you bought one," Linda said.

"I put it back," Jeremy said, and Fletcher thought that was odd: he thought he recalled Jeremy paying for it at the Aquarium gift shop. Jeremy had bought some tags and a book, and he'd have sworn—

He saw trouble coming. Chad, and Sue, and Connor, from down the curve.

"Don't say anything," he said to his three juniors. "They're out for trouble. Let them say anything they want."

"They're jerks," Vince said.

The group approached, Sue passed, Chad passed—they were going to use their heads, Fletcher thought, and keep their mouths shut.

Then Connor shoved him, and he didn't think. He elbowed back and spun around on his guard, facing Chad.

"You turn us in?" Chad asked. "You get us confined to quarters?"

"Wasn't just you," Fletcher retorted, and reminded himself he didn't want this confrontation, and that Chad might be the leader and the appointed fighter in the group, but he didn't conclude any longer that Chad was entirely the instigator. "We all got the order. You and I need to talk." A cousin with her hands full needed by and they shifted closer together to let her by. Jeremy took the chance to get in the middle and to push at Fletcher's arm.

"Fletcher. Come on. We're still in yellow. They'll lock us down for the next three years if you two fight, come on, cut it out."

"Got your defender, do you?" Connor said, and shoved him a second time.

"Cut it!" Jeremy said, and Fletcher reached out and hauled him aside, firmly, without even feeling the effort or breaking eye contact with Chad.

"You and I," Fletcher said, "have something to talk about."

"I'm not interested in talk," Chad said. "I'll tell you exactly how it was. You came on board late, you didn't like the scut jobs, you didn't like taking orders, and you found a way to make trouble. For all we know, there never was any hisa stick."

"Was, too!" Jeremy said. "I saw it."

"All right," Chad said. "There was. Doesn't make any difference. Fletcher knows where it is. Fletcher always knew, because he put it there, and he's going to bring down hell on our heads and be the offended party, and we give up our rec hours running around in the cold while he sits back and laughs."

"That isn't the way it is," Fletcher said. "I don't know who did it. That's your problem. But I didn't choose it." Another couple of cousins wanted by, and then a third, fourth and fifth from the other direction. "We're blocking traffic."

"Yeah, run and hide," Sue said. "Stationer boy's too good to go search the skin, and get out in the cold…"

"You shut up!" Vince said, and kicked Connor. Connor lunged and Fletcher intercepted. . "Let him alone," Fletcher said.

And Linda kicked Connor. Hard.

Connor shoved to get free. And Chad shoved Connor aside, effortless as moving a door.

"I say you're a liar," Chad said, and Fletcher swung Jeremy and Linda out of range, mad and getting madder.

"Break it up!" an outside voice said. "You!"

"Fletcher!" Jeremy yelled, and he didn't know why it was up to him to stop it: Chad took a swing at him, he blocked it, and got a blow in that thumped Chad into the far wall. Chad came off it at him, and Linda was yelling, Vince was. He'd stopped hearing what they were saying, until he heard Jeremy yelling at him, and until Jeremy was right in the middle of it, in danger of getting hurt.

"Chad didn't do it!" Jeremy shouted, clinging to him, dragging at his arm with all his weight. "Chad didn't do it, Fletcher!Idid it!"

He stopped. Jeremy was still pulling at him. Bucklin had Chad backed off. It was only then that he realized it was JR who had pulled him back. And that Jeremy, all but in tears, was trying to tell him what didn't make sense.

"What did you say?" JR asked Jeremy.

"I said I did it.I took it."

"That's not the truth," Fletcher said. Jeremy was trying to divert them from a fight. Jeremy was scared of JR, was his immediate conclusion.

"It is the truth!" Jeremy cried, in what was becoming a crowd of cousins, young and old, in the corridor, all gathering around them. "I stole it, Fletcher, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"What did you mean?" JR asked; and Jeremy stammered out,

"I just took it. I was afraid they were going to do it, so I did it"

"You're serious."

"I was just going to keep it safe, Fletcher. I was. I took it onto Mariner because I thought they were going to mess the cabin and they'd find it and something would happen to it, but somebody broke into my room in the sleepover and they got all my stuff, Fletcher!"

Everything made sense. The aquarium tape Jeremy turned out not to have. The music tapes. The last-minute dash to the dockside stores. The thief had made off with every purchase Jeremy had made at Mariner, Jeremy had broken records getting back to their cabin to create the scene he'd walked in on.

But he wasn't sure yet he'd heard all the truth. Fletcher's heart was pounding, from the fight, from Jeremy's confession, from the witness of everyone around them. Silence had fallen in the corridor. And JR's hold on him let up, JR seeming to sense that he had no immediate inclination to go for Chad, who hadn't, after all, been at fault. Not, at least, in the theft.

"God," Vince said, "that was really stupid, Jeremy!"

Jeremy didn't say a thing.

"Somebody took it from your room in the Pioneer," JR said.

"Yes, sir," Jeremy said faintly.

"And why didn't you own up to it?"

Jeremy had no answer for that one. He just stood there as if he wished he were anywhere else. And Fletcher believed it finally. The one person he'd trusted implicitly. The one whose word he'd have taken above all others.

Jeremy was a kid, when all was said and done, just a kid. He'd failed like a kid, just not facing what he'd done until it went way too far.

"Let him be," Fletcher said with a bitter lump in his throat. "It's lost. It doesn't matter. Jeremy and I can work it out."

"This ship has a schedule," JR said. "And it's no longer on my hands. Bucklin, you call it. It's your decision"

"Fletcher," Bucklin said. "Jeremy? You want a change of quarters? Or are you going to work this out? I'm not having you hitting the kid."

Anger said leave. Get out. Be alone. Alone was safe. Alone was always preferable.

But there was jump coming, and the loneliness of a single room, and a kid who'd—aside from a failure to come out with the truth—just failed to be an adult, that was all. The kid was just a kid, and expecting more than that, hell, he couldn't expect it of himself.

He just felt lonely, was all. Hard-used, and now in the wrong with Chad and the rest, and cut off from his own age and in with kids who were, after all, just kids, who now were mad at Jeremy.

"I'll keep him," he said to Bucklin. "We'll work it out."

Lay too much on a kid's shoulders? It was his mistake, not Jeremy's, when it came down to it: it was all his mistake, and he was sorry to lose what he'd rather have kept, in the hisa artifact, but the greater loss was his faith in Jeremy.

"You don't hit him," Bucklin said.

"I have no such intention," he said, and meant it, unequivocally. He knew where else things were set upside down, and where he'd gotten in wrong with people: he looked at Chad, said a grudging, "Sorry," because someone once in his half dozen families had pounded basic fairness into his head. The mistake was his, that was all. It wasn't Jeremy who'd picked a fight with Chad.

Chad wasn't mollified. He saw it in Chad's frown, and knew it wasn't that easily over.

"All right, get your minds on business," Bucklin said. "A month the other side of this place maybe you'll have cooled down and we can settle things. Honor of the ship, cousins. We're family, before all else, faults, flaws, and stupid moves and all; and we've got jobs to do."

By now the crowd in the corridor was at least twenty onlookers. There were quiet murmurs, people excusing themselves past.

"We have"—Bucklin consulted his watch—"thirty-two minutes to take hold."

JR. said nothing. Chad and his company exchanged dark glances. Fletcher ignored the looks and gathered up his own junior company, going on to their cabin, Vince and Linda trailing them. He tried all the while to think what he ought to say, or do, and didn't find any quick fix. None at all.

"Just everybody calm down," was all he could find to say when they reached the door of his and Jeremy's quarters. "It's all right. It'll be all right We'll talk about it when we get where we're going."

"We didn't know about it!" Vince protested, and so did Linda.

"They didn't," Jeremy said

"It was a mistake," he found himself saying, past all the bitterness he felt, a too-young bitterness of his own that he spotted rising up ready to fight the world. And that he was determined to sit on hard. "Figure it out. It's not something that can't be fixed. It's just not going to happen in two happy words, here. I'm upset. Damn right I'm upset. Chad's upset. Sue and Connor are upset and all the crew who froze their fingers and toes off trying to find what wasn't on this ship in the first place are upset, and in the meantime I look like a fool. A handful of words could have solved this."

"I'm sorry," Jeremy said.

"About time."

"He didn't tell us," Vince said.

"You let him and me settle it. Meanwhile we've got thirty minutes before we've got to be in bunks and safed down. We're going to get to Esperance, we're going to have our liberty if they don't lock us down, and we're all four of us going to go out on dockside and have a good time. We're not going to remember the stick, except as something we're not going to do again, and if we make mistakes we're going to own up to them before they compound into a screwup that has us all in a mess. Do we agree on that?"

"Yessir." It was almost in unison, from Jeremy, too.

Earnest kids. Kids trying to agree to what they, being kids, didn't half understand had happened, except that Jeremy was wound tight with hurt and guilt, and if he could have gotten to anyone on the ship right this minute he thought he'd wish for no-nonsense Madelaine.

"To quarters," he said. "Do right. Stay out of trouble. Give me one easy half hour. All right?"

"Yessir," faintly, from Linda and Vince. He took Jeremy inside, and shut the door.

Jeremy got up on his bunk, squatting against the wall, arms tucked tight, staring back at him.

Jeremy stared, and he stared back, seeing in that tight-clenched jaw a self-protection he'd felt in his own gut, all too many times.

Puncture that self-sufficiency? He could. And he declined to.

"Bad mistake," he said to Jeremy, short and sweet. "That's all I've got to say right now."

Jeremy ducked his head against his arms.

"Don't sulk."

Back went the head, so fast the hair flew. "I'm not sulking! I'm upset! You're going at me like I meant some skuz to steal it!"

"Forget the stick! You don't like Chad, right? You wanted me to beat up Chad, so I could look like a fool, and it'd all just go away if you kept quiet and you wouldn't be at fault. That stinks, kid, that behavior stinks. You used me!"

"Did not!"

"Add it up and tell me I'm wrong!"

Lips were bitten white. "I didn't want you to beat up Chad."

"So what did you want?"

"I don't know."

"Well, do better! Do better. You know what you were supposed to have done."

"Yeah."

"So why didn't you tell me the truth, for God's sake?"

"Because I didn't want you to leave!"

"How long did you think you were going to keep it up? Your whole life?"

"I don't know!" Jeremy cried. "I just thought maybe later it wouldn't matter."

He let that thought sit in silence for a moment. "Didn't work real well," he said. "Did it?"

"Didn't," Jeremy muttered, head hanging. Jeremy swiped his hair back with both hands. "I was scared, all right? I thought you'd beat hell out of me."

"Did I give you that impression? Did I ever give you that impression?"

Jeremy shook his head and didn't look at him.

"I thought the story was you were having a good time. Best time in your life. Was that it? Just having such a great time we can't be bothered with telling me the damn truth, is that the way things were?"

"I didn't want to spoil it!" Jeremy's voice broke, somewhere between twelve-year-old temper and tears. "I didn't want to lose you, Fletcher. I didn't want it to go bad, and I didn't know how mad you'd be and I didn't know you'd beat up on Chad, and I didn't know they'd search the whole ship for it!"

Fletcher flung himself down to sit on the rumpled bed.

"I didn't know," Jeremy said in a small voice. "I just didn't know."

Fletcher let go a long breath, thinking of what he'd lost, what he'd thought, who it was now that he had to blame. The kid. A kid. A kid who'd latched onto him and who sat there now trying to keep the quiver out of his chin, trying to be tough and take the damage, and not to be, bottom line, destroyed by this, any more than by a dozen other rough knocks. He didn't see the expression; he felt it from inside, he dredged it up from memory, he felt it swell up in his chest so that he didn't know whether he was, himself, the kid that was robbed or the kid on the outs with Vince, and Linda, and him, and just about everyone of his acquaintance.

Jeremy couldn't change families. They couldn't get tired of him and send him back for the new, nicer kid.

Jeremy couldn't run away. He shared the same quarters, and Jeremy was always on the ship, always would be.

The history Jeremy piled up on himself wouldn't go away, either. No more than people on this ship forgot the last Fletcher, shutting the airlock, and bleeding on the deck.

Jeremy was in one heavy lot of trouble for a twelve-year-old.

And he, Fletcher, simply Fletcher, was in one hell of a lot of pain of his own. Personal pain, that had more to do with things before this ship than on this ship.

What Jeremy had shaken out of him had nothing to do with Jeremy.

He stared at Jeremy, just stared.

"You said you weren't going to give me hell," Jeremy protested.

"I didn't say I wasn't going to give you hell. I said I wasn't going to throw you out of here."

"It's my cabin!"

"Oh, now we're tough, are we?" If he invited Jeremy to ask him to leave, Jeremy would ask him to leave. Jeremy had to. It was the nature of the kid. It was the stainless steel barricade a kid built when he had to be by himself.

"Jeremy." Fletcher leaned forward on his bunk, opposite, arms on his knees. "Let me tell you. That stick's sacred to the hisa, not because of what it is, but because it is. It's like a wish. And what I wish, Jeremy, is for you to make things right with JR, and I will with Chad, because I was wrong. You may have set it up, but I was wrong. And I've got to set it straight, and you have to. That's what you do. You don't have to beat yourself bloody about a mistake. The real mistake was in not coming to me when it happened and saying so."

"We were having a good time!" Jeremy said, as if that excused everything.

But it wasn't in any respect that shallow. He remembered Jeremy that last day, when Jeremy had had the upset stomach.

Bet that he had. The kid had been scared sick with what had happened. And trying, because the kid had been trying to please everybody and keep his personal house of cards from caving in, to just get past it and hope the heat would die down.

House of cards, hell. He'd made it a castle. He'd showed up, taken the kids on a fantasy holiday; he'd cared about the ship's three precious afterthoughts.

He knew. He knew what kind of desperate compromises with reality a kid would make, to keep things from blowing up, in loud tempers, and shouting, and a situation becoming untenable. That was what knotted up his own gut. Remembering.

"It wouldn't have made me leave," he said to Jeremy.

"Yes, it would," Jeremy said. And he honestly didn't know whether Jeremy had judged right or wrong, because he was a kid as capable as Jeremy of inviting down on himself the very solitude he found so painful—the solitude he'd ventured out of finally only for Melody and Patch.

And been tossed out of by Satin. To save Melody, Patch and himself.

Maybe the stick had a power about it after all.

He reached across and put his hand on Jeremy's knee. "It'll come right," he said.

"It was that Champlain that took it," Jeremy said. "I know it was. That skuz bunch—"

"Well, they're a little more than we can take on. Nothing we can do about it, Jeremy. Just nothing we can do. Forget it."

"I can't forget it! I didn't want to lie, but it just got crazier and crazier and everybody was mad, and now everybody's going to be mad at me."

He administered an attention-getting shake to Jeremy's leg. "By now everybody's just glad to know. That's all."

"I hurt the ship! I hurt you! And I was scared." Jeremy began to shiver, arms locked across his middle, and the look was haunted. "I was just scared."

"Of what? Of me being mad? Of me knocking you silly?" He knew what Jeremy had been scared of. He looked across the five years that divided them and didn't think Jeremy could see it yet.

Jeremy shook his head to all those things, still white-faced.

Afraid of being hit? No.

Afraid of having everything explode in your face, that was the thing a kid couldn't put words to.

It was the need of somehow knowing you were really, truly at fault, because if you never got that signal then one anger became all anger, and there was no defense against it, and you could never sort it all out again: never know which was justified anger, and which was anger that came at you with no sense in it.

And, finally, at the end of it all, you didn't know which was your own anger, the genie you didn't ever want to let out—couldn't let out, if you were a scrawny twelve-year-old who'd been everyone's kid only when you were wrong. You were reliably no one's kid so long as you kept quiet and let nobody detect the pain.

God, he knew this kid. So well.

"That's why you were sick at your stomach the morning we left Mariner. That's why you wanted to go back and look for something. Isn't it?"

"I could get a couple of tapes. So you wouldn't know I got robbed. And I didn't know what to do…" Jeremy's teeth were knocking together. "I didn't want you to leave, Fletcher. I don't ever want you to leave."

"I'll try," he said. "Best I can do." Third shake at Jeremy's ankle. "Adult lesson, kid. Sometimes there's no fix. You just pick up and go on. I'm pretty good at it. You are, too. So let's do it. Forget the stick. But don't entirely forget it, you know what I mean? You learn from it. You don't get caught twice."

And the Old Man's voice came on. "This is James Robert," it began, in the familiar way. And then the Old Man added…

"… This is the last time I'll be speaking as a captain in charge on the bridge."

"God." Color fled Jeremy's face. He looked as if he'd been hit in the stomach a second time. "God. What's he say?"

It didn't seem to need a translation. It was a pillar of Jeremy's life that just, unexpectedly, quit.

It was two blows inside the same hour. And Fletcher sat and listened, knowing that he couldn't half understand what it meant to people who'd spent all their lives on Finity.

He knew the Alliance itself was changed by what he was hearing. Irrevocably.

"… There comes a time, cousins, when the reflexes aren't as sharp, and the energy is best saved for endeavors of purely administrative sort, where I trust I shall carry out my duties with your good will. I will, by common consent of the captains as now constituted, retain rank so far as the outside needs to know. I make this announcement at this particular time, ahead of jump rather than after it, because I consider this a rational decision, one best dealt with the distance we will all feel on the other side of jump—where, frankly, I plan to think of myself as retired from active administration.

"I reached this personal and public decision as a surprise even to my fellow captains, on whose shoulders the immediate decisions now fall. From now on, look to Madison as captain of first shift, Alan, of second, and Francie, of third. Fourth shift is henceforth under the capable hand of James Robert, Jr., who'll make his first flight in command today, the newest captain of Finity's End."

The bridge was so still the ventilation fans and, in JR's personal perception, the beat of his own heart