A Future We'd Like to See 1.16 - Interview in Motivated Rock, Issue #234, July By Twoflower (Copyright 1993) You'd have to be living in the crack of doom not to have heard of Stomach Contents. Of course, according to metal haters, old grannies, and PTA members, given the choice between living in the crack of doom and listening to Stomach Contents they'd probably pack up the asbestos suit and protective tailsmans before you finished the question. But for those who love them -- and there certainly are many -- Stomach Contents are considered musical demigods. This obviously is an interview with the band, first clue being them on the cover of this issue, second being the words INTERVIEW WITH STOMACH CONTENTS in a bold font across the top of the page. We at Motivated Rock caught up with them on the Lollapowawakookoomungalikikilooza tour, where they were touring with a number of other metal, rap, pop rock, and polka bands. (Ed. Note - A review of the Lolla...etc tour can be found on page 34, along with with a list of foodstuffs included in the tour which can provide vivid hallucinations). We chatted with them with the goal of learning about the REAL Stomach Contents, the ones we don't see on stage. First to be interviewed was Joey, the lead bassist and singer for the band. We met up with him near the coffee tent during the tour, as the music festival sideshows and stages were being set up. JOEY:What IS this swill? You call this coffee? Seems like brown water to me. MOT.ROCK:Excuse me, sir? J: Hmm? Oh, the reporter. Hi there, just getting some coffee. Trying, at least. Whassup? MR: You've been billed as the #1 band out of the C'atel music scene. How do you feel about this? J: Jumping for the heavy questions, huh? Well, I dunno. It's fun at times, and a pain, which is pretty normal. Nothing has changed for us, other than a few more attendees at performances and a bit more money to work with. The music certainly hasn't changed, it's still total swill. MR: Your opinion on your own music is that it's swill? J: Total. I mean, this isn't quality stuff. But it's got a raw power to it, the sort of beat and tune that works like audible adrenaline. That's what I'm aiming for on each song. MR: You mentioned the music hasn't changed since you started out. How exactly DID the band start out? J: Well, I had been listening to the local sound for awhile when I was still in high school, and had a dream about playing bass guitar in a metal band. After moving from Japan on Terra to C'atel, I took a few lessons. Turned out I was pretty good at it. I met Jim Bob when I was ordering a McBurger from McSpackle's, he was at the drive thru window and noticed my guitar on the passenger seat. He scribbled his holophone number on my bag, but I had to try 10 combinations of it when I got home because the grease obscured the fifth digit. We got together, jammed a bit, realised neither of us had any talent, so we decided to form a band. MR: You had no talent, so you formed a band... I can't seem to follow the logic... J: How long've you been reporting the music scene? MR: Who, me? Three years. J: Well, about five years back, the biggest thing in the underground C'atel clubs was the no-skill sound. Total incoherent mishmash -- bands were picked for lack of sound rather than hit songs. Anyway, since you didn't need any other band members if you weren't planning on playing well, we formed Stomach Contents originally as two people. MR: So when were the other members linked up to the band? J: Well, after about a month of this, we were starting to get booed off the stage. Apparently we were developing talent and ability with the instruments, and the crowd didn't like that. We started getting gigs pulled out from under our noses. Being skilled was almost the death of us, and would have been, if the music scene hadn't shifted to polka/metal grunge/rock one week later. We suddenly fit in again, but we'd been more members. So, we put out a classified ad in the C'atellian Times. MR: And that's how the other members joined? J: Well, the original members. Wazoo joined up first... this was before the, well, thing with him, and Wrath next. The main reason why we picked her is because she had access to a hovervan, two speakers, and her own keyboard. Apparently she was soloing in the minor punk/thrash/industrial/synth meaningless scene that faded out a year later. MR: And your robotic drummer, Zeebo? J: Well, actually, we had a live drummer back then. His was this big, lumbering Yttian guy who specialized in playing drums with his hands, feet, and ears. Psy'kk, if I recall. We only did five gigs with him before he was involved in a blimp accident. MR: And then Zeebo joined? J: Well, no, then Wrath's cousin drummed for us, but he got pregnant and couldn't continue the tour. MR: Pregnant?!? J: Her family is famous for bizarre medical cases. MR: And then..? J: THEN we got Zeebo on loan as a prototype service droid. Apparently Wazoo got a bit of extra hazard pay from MurfTech for testing him out in a stressful environment, and you don't get much more stressed-out than a musician. They discontinued the line, which makes it kinda hard to find replacement parts. Anyway, a local record contractor from Bad Productions heard us, we signed up, expecting to maybe record a CD2 we could maybe give to a few relatives. Boom, overnight success. Who'd have known? That is true, who would have known? It certainly was a surprise to everybody when their first release, "Smells Like Something Died in Here" shot to number one, even faster than Mental Asylum's "Buy This Record, We Know Where You Live". We asked Jim Bob about this, who was busy serving breakfast muffins to the tour staff two tents over. JIM BOB: It certainly was a surprise, yes. I enquired as to why I was chosen for such honors from my master, Uru- sensei. "You are Jim Bob," was his only reply. When I understand the meaning behind those words, I shall understand my role in this life. MR: And you're originally from..? JB: New York, on Terra. MR: Funny, you'd think it'd be the other way around. JB: Nani? MR: Well, Joey is from Japan, but he talks somewhat like a North American city sprawler, and you're from the North American city sprawl and speak like a karate expert. JB: To be techincal, a Wae Spat expert. MR: Yes, please explain how you came to invent that fighting style. JB: I had been studying under my master for many years, but had not found the way to true enlightenment through the art of cracking heads yet. My master suggested I accept a 24 hour work period, and return to him with any revelations I found in my task. 14 hours in, a masked man entered the McSpackle's restaurant, and I found myself disarming and disabling the man armed only with a pair of spatulas. It was then that I realized my path, the Way of the Spatula. MR: Sounds silly. JB: Much that is different and unique is passed off as simple foolery. This is as far as the conversation went, as a roadie for Euphoria showed up with an order for 20 flapjacks, and Jim Bob had to get back to his volunteer work. Fortunately, on the way back to the press trailer, we met up with Wazoo, who was busy eating something out of a box behind the Stomach Contents trailer. WAZOO: Heya. MR: Oh, hello there. Umm, what's that in the box? W: Wheat Treaties, man. (munch) MR: You mean the boiled-not-fried wheat crisp snack thingy they're always pushing on TV? W: Yah. (munch) MR: Why not just get a filling breakfast? The tent is only two rows down. W: Just doesn't meet my fix, man. Riboflavin. I'm sort of addicted to it. MR: You're admitting your addiction? W: Hey, man, could be worse. I'm no druggie. Worst you get from an OD of wheat crisps is a bit of constipation. MR: Well, now that I've bumped into you, what's your opinion on the current state of the band? W: Huh? MR: How's it going? W: Oh, cool. Nothin' odd. Makin' cash, eatin' wheat, havin' fun. It's a gas. ZEEBO: Banana tomahawk? W: Come on out, dude. S'cool, just this reporter guy. MR: Hello there. Z: Firemen! Kilroy squiggle chess? MR: Excuse me? W: Just a little problem with the speech chip, bud. We overlook it, he's cool and can beat out a bitchin' rhythm. I gotta run, man, I'm gettin' low on ribos. Catchya at the concert, 'k? I attempted to continue the interview with Zeebo, but it seems Wazoo is the only band member that understands him. The final band member, Wrath, greeted me (sort of) just after waking up from the noise outside the trailer. I can testify although she looks frazzled, grumpy, and annoyed first thing in the morning, that's pretty much her stage appearance also. This is the extent of her interview : WRATH: Who the hell are you? MR: I'm a reporter from Motivated-- W: Media sucks. (SLAM) I checked up on her personality profile from five issues back of our magazine later that day. "Anarchic, arrogant, and nonconformist, easy to anger." Sounds appropriate. Not much happened until around 10 AM, when the gates opened and fans began to flow into the carnival and stage areas. No acts were playing at the moment, so I took the chance to go interview a few of the fans. MR: Excuse me, miss? FAN #1: Yeah? MR: Reporter, Motivated Rock. F1: Hey, I've got a subscription to that. Not a bad rag. MR: Can't ask for a better review. What's your opinion on Stomach Contents, the headliner band for the day? F1: They... they are like a god to me. I follow them everywhere, and even collect thier hair clippings. MR: Eh? F1: Yeah. Here, in this little sandwich baggie is some of Wrath's hair. I had a friend of mine test it in a chemical lab. You'd be surprised to know what her natural hair color is. It's orange. MR: But that's the color her hair always is. F1: I was sort of surprised too. MR: Doesn't it get to be sort of expensive to follow the band and attend every concert? F1: Daddy's credit chip. Don't leave home without it. Wanna see my collection of underwear and socks the band has previously worn? MR: Err... no, thank you... F1: I think I have some hankies in here. There're some really interesting bacteria on them. MR: Whoops, my pager just went off. F1: No it didn't. MR: Must be going... I had myself screened for various diseases after that encounter, but fortunately none showed up. Since I had managed to do an interview with just about every member of the band, and the day wasn't even half over, I figured I'd take the time to arrange my taped notes over a few beers at the local pubtent. However, while I was busy trying to transcribe my interview with Jim Bob, a fight broke out in the bar. The recording of the fight is as follows : DRUNKEN FAN 1 : Stomach Contents sucks. DRUNKEN FAN 2 : Yeah? (they fight) After that is just a series of crunches, slams, cracks, crinkles of broken glass and bones, and a few painful screams. The reason why I mention this incident is that I happened to break both my legs and an arm during that mess, and am transcribing this via my secretary, who was nice enough to stop by the hospital with some flowers and actual food from outside the hospital cafeteria, for which I thank her dearly. Another successful (sort of) interview for Motivated Rock. I'll be out of the interview scene for the next two issues, but should be back in gear after that with an interview with the one person in the galaxy that doesn't have a talk show yet.