BBC Cult - Printer Friendly Version
Lungbarrow - Chapter Eleven

Page 1
  

Tit for Tat

'I must apologize, my dear Madam Leela. It was a lamentable error.'

'He shot my dog,' said Leela. She sat awkwardly, the correct way one sits in company, just as Andred had shown her. The chair was deep and too comfortable.

'And I assure you, the captain will be severely disciplined.' Her host reminded her of a serpent. It was the way he sat, coiled in his own comfortable chair, unmoving, about to strike.

'His punishment is up to the Castellan, not you,' she said. This Time Lord looked like an elderly man, but on Gallifrey that meant very little; once elderly, twice, thrice elderly. He had a grizzled beard and wore a black skullcap and a black robe trimmed with fur. His room was an old man's room too. It was gloomy despite the large window overlooking the Capitol. Its walls were built of huge and ancient stones. It was filled with ancient relics, compasses and pyramids with eyes - symbols of a history she did not know.

His serpent mouth widened in a cold smile. 'I'm sure you understand that the Castellan, your... ah, consort, has an extremely responsible position to maintain.'

'You mean he's important,' Leela said. She was already tired of being spoken to as a primitive.

'Hmm. And what you did today placed that position in extreme jeopardy.'

'Let me speak to him then. He will understand.'

The Time Lord leant towards her. 'Did Castellan Andred give you those security clearance codes?'

'No.'

'No?'

'If you do not believe me, old man, I will submit to your mind probe test.'

Page 2
  

The serpent Time Lord laughed. 'That does sound very barbaric.'

'Yes,' Leela said.

There was an uncomfortable pause. Until now, she had assumed that they were determined to trap her, but perhaps it was Andred they were really seeking to destroy. Or perhaps it was both of them.

'Tell me how you gained access to the entire panotropic net on just one portal,' the Time Lord asked.

'My dog did it.'

'This is the computer registered as K9?'

'He was my friend. And you destroyed him.' She got out of her chair. 'Who are you? You will not hold me here. I demand to see the Castellan!'

'The Castellan has no jurisdiction here,' he said. 'He is only a Chancellery lackey.'

She moved towards him and hit a force wall. The jolt of the air barrier stunned her for a moment. She fell back into the chair.

The Time Lord remained absolutely calm opposite her.

'You are from the Celestial Intervention Agency,' said Leela slowly. 'Andred has warned me about you.'

Page 3
  

'Has he indeed?' said the Time Lord. 'And what does he say?'

'He says you have no faces. That no one other than the President knows who your leaders are. And she is bound by law not to say. But I know your face now, old one. I do not forget.'

The Time Lord nodded. 'Then you will know that once you are detained under the Agency's jurisprudence, no plebeian appeal or litigation can overrule our judgement.'

Chancellor Theorasdavoramilonithene, resplendent in Patrexes purple, was in no mood to be argued with. 'The Agency has breached all laws of hospitality,' she stormed, her hands clasped so tightly under her chin that her bony knuckles outshone her rings of office. 'We cold-summoned the Director of Allegiance to the Presidential suite. Apparently he does not see fit to grace us with his presence and sends you in his stead.'

Almoner Crest Yeux placed his glass of tea on the Chancellor's desk. He had scarcely been briefed about this summons, when he was suddenly transducted, complete with his chair and the tea he was drinking, directly into the Presidential suite. An unnerving and discourteous experience.

'Director of Allegiance Lord Ferain presents his compliments to the President,' he said.

Page 4
  

Theora shook her head slowly. The miracle of rococo styling that constituted her labyrinthine hairpiece was unassailable. It defied gravity and description in about equal measure. 'What about the Lady Leela?' she demanded.

'It is my understanding, madam, that the Lady Leelandredloomsagwinaechegesima has breached the security of the panotropic network in the Capitol. Not normally an Agency area, I grant you, but she is the consort of the Castellan -'

'My Castellan,' said the Chancellor.

'And his involvement with the suspect would make his judgement unreliable,' continued Yeux.

'Furthermore, she is an un-Gallifreyan, which is very much an Agency concern, despite the ancient and outdated laws of hospitality.'

The Chancellor lifted a document from her desk. 'This order, signed by President Romanadvoratrelundar, grants the Lady Leela diplomatic immunity and the protection of the Presidential Retinue.'

He waved the document away. 'Regrettably, madam, such immunity can only be granted by the vote of the Inner Council.'

Theora replaced the paper. 'In which case, the Lady Leela will be afforded the status of Alien Ambassador to Gallifrey.'

'And that issue would have to be laid before all the Cardinals of the High Council... as have the applications for all the other newly acquired Ambassadors. The Lady Leela must be exceptionally highly regarded to be elevated so quickly. An Ambassador from a primordial planet whose location is not even registered? Oh no, I think not.'

Page 5
  

Theora smiled coolly. 'Not registered? Surely there can't be an oversight in the Agency's data catalogues.'

'Ah,' he said, folding his hands over his generous stomach. 'Perhaps the President should advise me on that matter herself. Or isn't she available at the moment?'

'Regrettably, she is busy,' said Theora.

'How comforting to know that, like Lord Ferain, she is untiringly devoted to her duties wherever they take her.' Yeux sipped his tea. It was cold.

'And Lady Leela?' Theora reminded him.

'Unfortunately the Lady Leelandredloomsagwinaechegesima has been detained for using illegal codes in an attempt to contact the former President.'

'Do you mean the Doctor?' said Theora.

'Apparently so. I daresay our current President might explain the attraction. She knows the Doctor rather better than the rest of us. How unfortunate that she isn't here. Do you know if she will be away for long?'

'But I am here,' said a voice.

Page 6
  

Yeux turned and saw the diminutive figure of President Romanadvoratrelundar standing behind him. She was wearing a simple white robe and her hair was loose about her shoulders. He had not heard her enter and was unsure exactly how long she had been standing there. 'Madam President,' he blustered, 'Lord Ferain presents his compliments to you.'

Romana walked round to the Chancellor's side of the desk. 'Almoner Crest Yeux,' she said gravely, 'while I respect your cover as a senior official in my Intervention Agency, I am most displeased by the conduct of the Director of Allegiance in the matter of the Lady Leelandredboomsagwinaechegesima.'

'He is carrying out his duties, Madam President. The Lady Leela has committed a number of crimes defined under the laws as un-Gallifreyan activities.'

'Nonsense,' snapped Romana. 'I am also aware that a guest of mine, who was travelling to Gallifrey under Presidential protection, has been hijacked in transit. She is also being held illegally by the Intervention Agency.'

Yeux shifted awkwardly in his chair. 'On that matter, I cannot comment, Madam.'

'Not good enough.' Romana turned to her Chancellor. 'Theora, please inform Lord Ferain that until both the Lady Leela and the Earth woman, Doroth\xE9e McShane, are released from Agency custody, we shall be holding Almoner Crest Yeux here as our guest.'

'Very good, Madam,' said Theora with a smile.

Page 7
  

'Madam President, this is preposterous!' exclaimed Yeux.

'Tit for tat.' The President smiled. 'I'm sure a little cooperation isn't too much to ask. But if I don't get it, I shall enforce it!'

'Are you unhappy on Gallifrey?' asked the Time Lord.

Leela sat back in her chair. 'Why am I being held prisoner?'

Her interrogator ignored her. 'If you do not cooperate, I can have you deported as an unwelcome guest on our world.'

Leela watched him without a word.

'Now, I gather that this K9 machine of yours originally belonged to the former President, hereafter known as the Doctor.'

'No,' she said. 'It originally belonged to Professor Marius.'

'Another un-Gallifreyan?' When she made no response, he added, 'I take that as a "yes". At some time the aforementioned machine must have passed to the Doctor. And thence on to you.'

Page 8
  

'It is not your business,' Leela insisted. 'I demand to see the Castellan!'

He tutted irritably. 'I have told you that Castellan Andred has no jurisdiction in this matter.'

'Andred and I are bonded! If I have endangered his position, then I must see him.'

The Time Lord frowned. 'Difficult. His interest in this case would be purely personal.'

'Of course, it would. Andred loves me.'

His mouth twitched and his face coloured noticeably. 'That is not a consideration.'

'What do you mean?' she said. 'How can it not be a consideration?'

'Are you implicating him in this also?'

That shocked her. 'Of course not! He did not know. I care for him and chose to be with him. Don't you have feelings?'

He stared fixedly at her as he fingered the edge of his carved desk. 'The Castellan's pedestrian duties extend only to the security within the Capitol. The crime you have committed is not within his aegis. It affects the whole security of Gallifrey in its relation to the causal nexus of the Cosmos. And that is our concern.'

Page 9
  

'Then you are answerable to President Romana.'

'Another friend of yours, of course.' He smiled his serpent smile again. 'Yes, she makes an admirable figurehead. But she does not command the overwhelming support that she likes to imagine.'

'Take away this barrier. Or are you afraid to be in the same space as an un-Gallifreyan savage?'

He rose from his chair and came to the edge of where she guessed the barrier to be. 'Why were you trying to contact the Doctor today?'

'He is my friend, too.'

'Yes?'

'Yes. But I do not use him as you do.'

'Explain that accusation.'

'You use the Doctor whenever you have something you don't want to blunt your own knives on.'

Page 10
  

'Does it occur to you that he might be our friend also?'

'No,' she said. 'I learned that the Time Lords were all-powerful, but you have no honour in your dead rituals.'

His smooth indifference seemed to crack a little. 'Madam, as an other-worlder with scarcely a history of your own, you know nothing of our provenance. The planet Gallifrey was powerful when the flower of the Universe was barely unfolding. Our society is steeped in the traditions of a thousand millennia. It is our greatest duty to revere and maintain our past.'

'In my world, the old are revered for their counsel. But if the old vines cling too tightly, we cut them back to let the young growth through.'

'Barbaric,' he said. 'You know nothing.'

'I know that if I ever do see Andred again, I will have forgotten this meeting. But I will fight you for my memories.'

He laughed. 'You are unhappy,' he said. 'Just answer one more question, madam. You say that the Doctor is your friend. You certainly have travelled with him, so I would guess that you know him better than most. Perhaps almost as well as the President knows him. But can you say who he is?'

'What?' she said.

'The Doctor's identity?'

Page 11
  

She was mystified. 'He is the Doctor. He is a Time Lord. And he has... he had a Family at the House...'

'I know what you were searching for on the panotropic network,' he said. 'But what about the Doctor? Who is he really?'

She shook her head. 'He's a wise man. A shaman. No, he is more than that.' For a moment, she was uncertain. In her memories, there was an excitement and wonderment, a sense of danger that the thought of the Doctor always aroused. But she had always accepted him; never questioned his identity. Finally, she knew her answer. She understood the Doctor's secret. He could not and must never be tied down, pinpointed or categorized.

'He is a mystery,' she said with the utmost reverence.

From somewhere close in the Capitol, there came the deep boom of an explosion. The office shook and the sky went black.